


Come Marching Home

by sebastian2017



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassination, Brainwashing, Lots of Crying, M/M, Winter Soldier AU, but also lots of hugging and kissing later, there is a manbun very briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 18:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 41,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5215880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier AU</p><p>Or more eloquently:</p><p>Eggsy is dead, Harry his widower. It's been two years since the mission that had killed him and Harry is only just beginning to move on. Of course, fate will taunt him by throwing Eggsy back in his life just as the sorrow is beginning to recede.</p><p>Surprisingly, Kingsman doesn't have an official policy for when agents come back from dead, brainwashed into assassins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> _"Leaves from the vine, falling so slow._   
>  _Like fragile, tiny shells,_   
>  _Drifting in the foam._   
>  _Little soldier boy, come marching home._   
>  _Brave soldier boy, comes marching home."_
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> \- Little Soldier Boy, ATLA

 Harry’s world has just crashed down around him. Mordred, second in command in the handler’s division and Eggsy’s primary handler, is standing in front of him and talking, but Harry can’t hear a thing. There’s a roaring in his ears, his pulse stutters, his chest tightens. He’s filled with a feeling of dread, a morbid confidence in knowing that the world will never be _okay_ again. Harry’s world is in ruins at his feet. Mordred is _still_ speaking, but Harry can’t hear a thing. He’d stopped listening after Mordred’s opening statement.

_“Arthur, sir, Galahad is dead.”_

He knows should look at this as Arthur, Kingsman’s King and Galahad’s superior, not as Harry Hart, Eggsy’s husband of two years. ~~A dark part of him reminds him that he’s Eggsy’s widower now.~~ Harry knows that he should handle this professionally and wait until he’s home to let the sorrow emerge. Gentlemen don’t have emotional breakdowns at work. As much as it hurts, Harry pushes all feelings of Eggsy aside and forces himself to think just as _Arthur._ Harry busies himself at his desktop, methodically typing out a message to all their agents that there is to be a toast at 1800, GMT time.

“Pardon me, Mordred, I’m afraid I spaced out.” Harry is amazed that his voice doesn’t even waver. “Repeat yourself, if you’d be so kind.”

“Sir, if you’d prefer I debrief to Merlin and get back to you later, I can. I can imagine this is a difficult situation for you,” Mordred offers. Harry glares at him and Mordred continues reluctantly. “What I’d said was: The intel mission went sour due to some unforeseen circumstances. Namely, a mole in the organization we hadn’t known of. Merlin and I were able to find evidence linking a technician to the information leak, but he committed suicide via a cyanide pill when we sent someone to bring him in for interrogation. Merlin and I are searching for any other possible moles, but Galahad… well we weren’t able to extract him from his mission.”

Harry takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. His mouse is hovering over the send button on the message, but he hesitates to click it. It would make it too real. With this message, Harry feels as though he’s signing off on Eggsy’s death certificate. Once the rest of the organization knows, the position of Galahad is officially empty again when it shouldn’t be. Eggsy should have held the title for many, many years to come.

 Against his better judgement, Harry turns to Mordred and asks, “And are we positive Galahad is deceased? He… He can hold his own very well, you know.”

Mordred hesitates before he elaborates, “Arthur… He was shot several times and tossed off a train speeding through the Alps. His glasses were lost in the fall, so we’ve no verification on his vitals, but if the bullets didn’t kill him, the fall and the cold surely did.” When Harry gives no sign that he’s heard, Mordred tacks on his condolences. “I’m terribly sorry, sir. We did all we could.”

Harry turns back to his computer and hits send.

 

 

\----

 

 

The messages come pouring in. On one hand, _Arthur’s_ email is filled with confirmations from the knights that they’ll be present at the toast. On the other hand, _Harry’s_ phone is lighting up with personal messages of concern and condolences. Roxy has already sent him five frantic texts, begging for the news to not be true. Merlin has informed him that he’ll be passing by Harry’s house with the strongest alcohol he owns. Percival is off in Turkey for a mission, but he still sends his condolences and asks Harry to keep an eye on Roxy. Tristan, Kay, and Gaheris send message after message, desperate to find out what exactly happened to their friend. Gareth and Lamorak give their condolences and ask for funeral details. The only knights who haven’t sent Harry some sort of expression of pity are the same ones who have yet to receive the news.

On any other occasion, Harry would be ecstatic. These last few years, since Harry became Arthur, they’ve become more like a family than ever before. This right here is all the proof Harry needs of that. But right now it just feels taunting. Eggsy, with his charm and incessant friendliness, had been a big part of creating the familial feel between them. That this bond should be so obvious now that Eggsy’s dead has to be nothing short of the fates laughing down at Harry.

Harry gets up and serves himself the strongest liquor his office’s bar has to offer.

 

 

\----

 

 

“To Galahad.”

The knights are gathered around the table, taking a drink in Eggsy’s memory. The other knights are considerate enough to ignore Harry’s red eyes and splotchy skin from crying recently. Roxy’s sobbing, however, is harder to ignore, but even that just earns her a few awkward pats on the back. Sorrow and heartbreak permeates through the table. Losing an agent is bad enough, but losing one so young, not even thirty yet, is leaps and bounds worse. After the brandy is drunk, the agents hover awkwardly. No one ever says anything at toasts – that’s what funerals are for – but it feels wrong to just leave their king so bluntly. But then Harry dismisses them stiffly and one by one, they all either log off or stand up and leave the room.

Roxy and Merlin both stay, despite Harry’s insistence that they leave him alone. Merlin pours out three glasses of scotch and sits down between them with a heavy sigh. Roxy’s sobbing has settled down to the occasional sniffling and she mumbles a soft ‘thank you’ as she takes the glass. Normally she’s not one for drinking, but just after losing her best friend? She could probably drink her way through all of London’s bars. Harry tries to tell Merlin not to pour him a glass, but the protests die when it’s placed in front of him and he downs it in one go.

“It was supposed to be an easy mission… In and out and back by supper,” Roxy mumbles, shaking her head. “How’d that turn into losing him?”

“It’s Kingsman. Nothing’s ever _easy_. It just seems so and we let our guards down and then we lose good agents,” Merlin mutters. He’s been in this position one too many times.

Harry remains quiet, staring down at his empty glass. He’s trying desperately to remember what the last thing they’d said to one another was when Harry had been sending Eggsy off. A wave of regret crashes over him as he remembers that there _isn’t_ anything to remember. It was like Roxy had said. It was meant to be an easy mission. An intel on a suspicious, but very small and insignificant looking group that called themselves Hydra. Eggsy had been meant to go off in the morning, get the information through the day, and be back by night time. Recons were Eggsy’s specialty. There had been no reason to suspect that things would go sour and therefore, there had been no proper goodbye. And now… Eggsy would never come home again and Harry’s chance to say goodbye is gone forever.

“The last time we talked…” Harry is still staring down at the glass as he thinks back. “It was last night before bed. Talking about dinner tonight. We were trying to decide on takeout for tonight. He… He left before I was awake this morning. And the last time we talked… _Last. Fucking. Time._ Was to talk about the merits of Chinese or Indian. That’s… fuck. Given our age difference, we’d always assumed our last conversation would be me sharing some sort of elderly wisdom with him in some hospital. Not… talking about takeout.” After everything together, it’s ridiculous that their last conversation be something so normal and dull. Harry almost doesn’t believe it, but the sharp ache in his heart is there to remind him that it’s all horribly true.

“We texted this morning… While he was on his plane. We were planning a shopping trip together…” Roxy shakes her head. “And now he’s gone. God, his mother and sister don’t know yet, do they?”

Harry’s heart was already broken, but now it’s crushed into fine dust. In his own selfish mourning, he hadn’t thought of Michelle and Daisy. Michelle, who had now lost two generations of men to Kingsman, and Daisy, who adored her older brother more than life itself. His hand trembles as he looks over at Merlin. “I can’t. I can’t deliver another medal to that household.”

“It’s all right, Harry. I’ll find someone else to do it,” Merlin assures him. He reaches over to lay a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder, but Harry pulls away harshly.

“First her husband and now her son. Merlin, I’ve destroyed that poor woman’s life. I’ve killed off the Unwin line. I’ve taken away a family’s husband and father and brother and son. Fuck. Fuck!”

Merlin and Roxy wisely don’t try to stop him when he smashes his glass against the wall.

 

 

\-----

 

Harry avoided his home for days. He hadn’t wanted to go back to a home with no Eggsy and so, had found excuse after excuse to stay at HQ. First, he’d needed to overlook the attempt to retrieve a body. Then he’d been busy with paperwork regarding Eggsy’s passing and coming up with an excuse as to why there was no body to burry (lost underneath the snow, though he couldn’t tell Michelle that.) Later he’d had to overlook the proposal process. After that he’d been busy making funeral arrangements. Finally, Merlin had threatened to put him on an extended medical leave if he didn’t go home and get some rest. So now, Harry is pulling up to his home, entirely against his will.

Harry has only just turned the key in the lock when he hears JB scampering towards the door from across the room. Roxy had been coming over every day to give him his food and water, but Harry knows the little pug is a glutton for cuddles and playtime. Eggsy had spoiled him horribly. Harry takes a moment to collect himself – he refuses to cry because of a dog, absolutely refuses to – and pushes open the door.

Sure enough, JB is there, barking eagerly and jumping up all over him. Harry halfheartedly commands him to stop. JB, predictably, just barks up at him and starts licking his shoe. Harry tries to ignore the dog – and all the unwanted memories of Eggsy that JB resurfaces – as he hangs up his coat. JB finally eases up on jumping on Harry and instead circles around him, obviously looking for something. JB sniffs at the ground and at Harry’s trousers and then goes over to the door, scratching at it and letting out a confused bark. Harry’s heart breaks when he realizes that JB is searching for Eggsy.

“Oh, JB,” Harry sighs and leans down to pick up the pug, not even caring about all the dog hair that will inevitably get all over his suit. He feels stupid talking to a dog that can’t understand him, but Eggsy always did it when JB was frightened or in a panic. “Eggsy… He’s not going to come home anymore. It’s just you and me now, JB.”

JB lets out a confused whine and looks up at Harry with big brown eyes. Harry could almost understand why Eggsy had decided against shooting him. Harry sighs and puts JB back on the floor again, handing him his favorite toy in an effort to distract JB long enough to go upstairs to the bedroom without the pug following at his heel. JB just pushes it away and goes back over to the door. He sits down in front of it and lets out a howl as he scratches at the door. Harry makes the executive decision to just say ‘fuck it’ to the ‘no pugs in the bedroom’ rule and he leans down to pick JB up again and take him upstairs.

JB whines and howls and barks as Harry takes him up the stairs and there isn’t much Harry can do but scratch his ears as soothingly as he could manage. He places JB down on the bed and the pug immediately goes to curl up on Eggsy’s pillow with some soft whining. Harry feels a pang as he sees all of Eggsy’s things scattered about the room. If he had any tears left in him, Harry would most certainly be crying. He feels numb as he takes off his suit and changes into his pyjamas, doing his best to ignore all of Eggsy’s things as he does. He lays down with a huff and tugs the bedsheets tight around him. They still smell like Eggsy. With a pained sigh, Harry reaches forward to tug the crying pug closer to him. He wraps an arm around the dog, scratching his belly to soothe him.

“I know, JB. I know. I miss him too.”


	2. Half a Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy encounters the Winter Soldier for the first time. She and Harry both notice strange similarities between him and Eggsy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I'm half a heart without you_  
>  _I'm half a man at best_  
>  _With half an arrow in my chest_  
>  _I miss everything we do_  
>  _I'm half a heart without you_  
>  \- Half a Heart, One Direction

The days drag on without Eggsy. Harry can’t get used to being single again. He’d used to pride himself on his bachelor status and now it just brings him pain as he adjusts to it all. Adjusts to only making one cup of tea in the mornings, to only fixing one spot at the table at dinner, to waking up to a cold, empty bedside. It’s a struggle to simply get up out of bed without his darling boy’s bright smiles to encourage him. Harry had never been a particularly religious person, but even he can’t resist falling into the temptation of hoping for an afterlife where he might one day see Eggsy again. It’s one of the only thoughts that help get him through the monotone loneliness.

For all that the days drag on, however, the weeks flew by and in the blink of an eye, it’s close to two years since Eggsy had died. There’s been a new Galahad at the table for nearly a year now and by his knighting, everyone has managed to build a life without Eggsy. Merlin’s moved on enough to make the occasional jokes about not missing the endless James Bond jokes Eggsy was constantly making to his handlers. Roxy, of course, still misses her best friend beyond belief, but she’s gotten to spending some more time with the other agents as a result. Even Michelle had found solace in taking care of Daisy. Harry, though… He doesn’t have a crutch to lean on to move on and build a new life without Eggsy. He has JB to take care of, yes, but a dog is hardly enough to pull him through his mourning. There’s Merlin as well, of course, but though they’ve been best friends for years, they’re the type of friends to share a pint and talk about work, not feelings.

Eggsy’s death is no longer the sharp, soul crushing pain it had been the first few weeks, but it remains a dull, ever present ache.

Harry wound up finding his distraction in work. There’s no big surprise there. Before Eggsy had come along to remind him to live his life, Harry’s entire world had revolved around his participation at Kingsman. It makes sense that he’d revert to that after Eggsy’s gone again. Apart from short walks and the brief games of fetch whenever JB insisted, Harry rarely ever leaves his office. At first, Merlin and Roxy had made attempts at getting him out of his office and socializing – it’s what Eggsy would have wanted, they’d insisted – but it’d quickly proven to be a hopeless cause. Now, at least, there’s never a doubt of where to find him.

When Merlin goes off in search of Harry to update him on Roxy’s current mission, he only has to make one stop. Sure enough, Harry is in his office, like he always is. Merlin knocks once on the door as he’s opening it and doesn’t wait before he steps inside and sits down. “We’re cutting Lancelot’s mission short and bringing her back. I’ve got the updates on the last few hours of her mission here if you want to look through them.”

“Typically, one knocks to be given permission to enter. Not to simply announce one’s entrance,” Harry notes as he turns to face Merlin.

“Piss off. I’ve been your best friend for twenty years. I’ve earned my privileges, so stop your whining. Do you want to hear about Lancelot’s mission or not?”

“Of course I do. What sort of question is that?” Roxy had been off following a lead on Hydra, the same group that had taken away Eggsy. Harry always wants to be kept in the loop as to their agents’ process, but this mission had been more personal. There’s nothing Harry wants more than to see the organization brought down and every one of their members assassinated in the most painful way possible.

“Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve finally got clear footage of that assassin we’ve been having trouble with this past year.” Merlin taps away at his clipboard and gets the recordings from Roxy’s glasses playing on Harry’s desktop monitor. “The bad news is we got it because he was waiting for Lancelot when she was trying to gather intel and he wound up being more of a pest than expected. Bad enough that we had Lancelot retreat.”

Harry watches the footage playing on his computer carefully. There had been a spike in political assassinations over the last year and a half, all executed by the same man. The espionage community had dubbed him the Winter Soldier, but aside from the nickname, there was terribly little known about the assassin. He was good at his job, there was no denying that. This footage of Roxy’s glasses is the first good look they’ve gotten of him. Everything else in existence is just grainy pictures, either too far away to truly make anything out or of little use because all they show is the assassin’s back as he retreated.

Even now, with footage of the man at all angles with a clear shot and a high quality recording device instead of some CCTV or some bystander’s cellphone, it doesn’t seem as though it will help much in finding out anything more about the Winter Soldier. The man’s covered from head to toe, with the exception of a patch of pale forehead, but even that is mostly covered by the unkempt hair that goes down to the man’s shoulders. It doesn’t help that the man doesn’t seem to hold still for even a second, always dodging this way or that and executing flashy flips and rolls. It takes Harry a moment to realize that the silver blur attached to the man isn’t a gun, it’s the man’s arm, seemingly in some sort of metal casing or armor.

If Harry had been watching this in real time, he would have been incredibly worried for Roxy’s safety. The assassin is well trained. Very well trained. From what Harry can see, the man is well trained enough to pass Kingsman standards. He’s matching Roxy move for move so well that it doesn’t even look like an opponent who’s very good at anticipating. It looks like a pair of sparring partners who have done this time and time again. And the man is good at more than just blocking Roxy’s blows. He’s jumping and spinning and contouring in ways that should be cumbersome and impractical in hand to hand combat, but the assassin is so in tune with his body movements, that it only seems to make him deadlier.

The fighting style is painfully familiar and Harry knows exactly why. It’s the same type of ridiculous fight moves that Eggsy had constantly been scolded for by his handlers. Harry’s heart aches at the reminder and he forces himself to push away the longing that is making him see Eggsy’s gymnast frame and ruthless elegance in the man. This isn’t his darling Eggsy. It’s an assassin who had, from the moment he began to fight with Roxy, made himself an enemy of Kingsman. The Winter Soldier doesn’t deserve to be compared to someone as wonderful as Eggsy.

Harry forces himself to watch the rest of the footage and _not_ think of Eggsy, only of Lancelot and her safety. The pangs of grief that come up every so often are always easier to deal with if he focuses on his job as _Arthur_ and not on his life as _Harry_. The footage comes to a stop. Merlin gives his clipboard a few more taps and the window is gone from Harry’s computer again, replaced with a flight tracker of the jet bringing Roxy home again. The clock at the very bottom informs him that her jet’s forty-two minutes away from touching down and Harry knows, from directly overseeing a few other of Roxy’s missions prior to this one, that he’ll have her debriefing and personal account of the Winter Soldier within two hours. She’s as punctual as Harry is late.

“I take it you already have some of your men working on dissecting the footage?” Harry finally looks away from his computer monitor and back at Merlin.

“Aye.” Merlin nods. “Particularly that arm of his. It looks like some _very_ sophisticated technology and the R&D crew and I are both very unnerved that we don’t already have our hands on it.”

“That arm? You don’t really think that’s his arm, do you? Surely it’s some sort of armor!” Harry’s brow furrows and he allows himself a brief moment of worry. It’s always unpleasant when they’re the ones at a technological disadvantage and not the other way around like usual.

“We had BioMechanical take a look at it. According to them it’s more than likely some sort of metal arm attachment. It’s one of the rare moments when we’re really at a bit of a loss as to what we’re facing here. I know you’re dead set on revenge after what happened with Eggsy and I get it. I do. I miss the lad, too. But I’d advise that we put aside any aggressive attack plans against Hydra for the moment. At least until we know what we’re up against.”

Harry’s only response is a cold dismissal.

 

 

\----

 

 

Just as Harry had suspected, Roxy is knocking at his door only an hour or so after her arrival. Harry calls for her to enter and stands up to fix them both a drink from the minibar at the corner of his office. She’s certainly earned it after getting them all footage of an infamously elusive assassin. He sets a glass of champagne down in front of her and sits down with a martini for himself.

“Merlin’s already come by to go over the basics of everything. I was hoping you could provide us with a bit more information regarding that assassin,” Harry explains. Merlin and his team have already scoured every frame of the footage, but there’s always the possibility of an agent catching something in person that doesn’t translate into footage very well.

“About the Winter Soldier?” Roxy hesitates. “That’s the main thing I wanted to come talk to you about. Merlin said he showed you the footage. You didn’t happen to notice anything odd about it, did you?”

She doesn’t need to elaborate, because Harry knows exactly what she’s talking about. While he’d been waiting for her to stop by his office, he’d rewatched the footage at least half a dozen times. Each time, he’d watched the assassin more and more closely, marveling at how nearly two years after Eggsy’s death, he’s still managing to see his husband’s ghost everywhere. The longer Harry had stared, the more it had looked like Eggsy. He’d dismissed it as a silly thought, of course. But if Roxy had seen the same thing…

Harry decides he won’t indulge such ridiculous wondering and pretends he hasn’t a clue what Roxy’s referring to. “Odd? Other than the fact that you were up against someone who’s almost as well trained as you? Or the supposed metal arm?”

“Yes, other than that. _Harry_.” Stepping out of codenames has always been Roxy’s way of letting people know that she’s breaching more personal topics. Things that she’ll mention now, but won’t write down in her mission report later. “He fought just like Eggsy. Just like him! You had to have noticed.”

“I noticed that he had a penchant for over extravagance and showing off, yes. Characteristics that, as shocking as it may sound, didn’t belong solely to Eggsy.” Harry’s voice has taken on a strained edge to it as he tries to remain professional.

“There was more to it than that, Harry,” Roxy insists. “You just watched a video of it. I was actually there! We were best friends for years. We sparred together at least twice a week. I know how he fought. Near the end, we didn’t even really fight anymore. It was more like dancing, we knew each other so well. And that Winter Soldier or whatever? I was dancing with him, Harry, I swear.”

Harry lets out a long sigh and rubs at the scarring above his eye patched eye. “Roxanne. Eggsy is dead and he’s been dead going on two years now. Trust me, I enjoy indulging in fantasies that he might not be, but I’m afraid neither of us can change the past. He’s dead and just because you fought with someone that had a similar sparring style doesn’t mean he’s been miraculously resuscitated.”

“I know that, Harry. I know! I’m not saying he isn’t. All I’m saying is that it’s a terribly odd that the same group that killed him would have an assassin that fights just like him. Don’t you think so? It’s worth looking into.”

“You’ve had a very tiring day and you should go home and get some sleep. Good evening, Lancelot. You are dismissed.”

Roxy scowls and mumbles a complaint under her breath, but she wouldn’t outright disobey a thinly veiled order to drop it, especially not one from Harry, who’s both her boss and Eggsy’s widower. She gets up and exits the room without another word. Once Harry is sure she’s gone, he pulls up the footage again and obsessively watches it another half a dozen times. He’s seeing ghosts, he’s sure of it. But apparently… he’s not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This story was first inspired because I was thinking about how hot Taron Egerton would look in a manbun, which made me think about Bucky in a manbun which made be think of the Winter Soldier, which made me think of Eggsy as the Winter Soldier. Very professional creative process, of course. 
> 
> See you Sunday! 
> 
> I can be found over on Tumblr at [dilestrade](http://dilestrade.tumblr.com/) or [unwins-boy](http://unwins-boy.tumblr.com/) for prompts, chatting, questions, and whatnot


	3. In The Woods Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winter Soldier assassinates someone in London to lure out the Kingsmen. Harry complies and sends Roxy and Percival his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A fox it was,_   
>  _He shook afraid._   
>  _I spoke no words, no sound he made._   
>  _His bone exposed,_   
>  _His hind was lame._   
>  _I raised a stone to end his pain._
> 
> \- In the Woods Somewhere, Hozier

 

_You know I can see how many times you’ve played that video I sent you, right? – M_

_Fuck off. – HH_

_It’s not healthy. – M_

_Once again: Fuck off. – HH_

_Drinks at your place? – M_

_You seem to be having great trouble following simple directions. (But yes.) – HH_

\-----

 

 

Close to two hours later, Merlin and Harry found themselves sprawled along Harry’s couch. Harry grabs the half-drunk bottle of whiskey and pours out another drink for himself. Merlin holds his glass out and Harry does the same for him. They’ve already been in each other’s company for an hour, but they’ve yet to talk about anything other than work. It’s painfully obvious how they’re avoiding what brought them together for drinks. Harry’s in no rush to change that.

Merlin, unfortunately, has had more than enough skirting around the subject. “Roxy came by my office after she’d briefed at your office. Would I be correct in assuming she told you the same thing as she did me?”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play stupid, Harry.” Merlin rolls his eyes and has a drink of his whiskey. It’s just about the only way to muster enough patience to deal with Harry when he’s sulking. “About that assassin who _apparently_ fought just like Eggsy did.”

Harry’s quiet for a moment, staring down at his glass. It’s a while before he mumbles, “It’s true, you know. It was remarkably similar.”

“Harry, Eggsy’s –“

“Dead! I know. I know he is. You needn’t remind me. That’s what makes it unsettling, isn’t it? It could be nothing, but it could be _something_.”

Merlin sighs. He’d hoped that by now, Harry would have moved on or, at the very least, that it’s been long enough that Harry’s grief wouldn’t have gotten in the way of his common sense. Unfortunately, it seems that’s not the case. “Harry,” he begins, trying to be as gentle as possible, “Eggsy wasn’t the only flashy fighter in the world.”

Harry nods half-heartedly. “I _know_ that, Merlin. I know. But… for a highly trained assassin to come out of nowhere just a few months after he died and with the same group that killed him… That’s rather suspicious, don’t you think?”

“It’s been almost two years. He’s dead, Harry.”

“There was no body, Merlin. We never had one. Didn’t even see it! We just assumed the corpse was lost under the snow,” Harry points out. There’s a tinge of desperation bleeding into his voice, a result of their drinking tearing down his walls. It’s been nearly two years, yes, but Eggsy had been at the very core of helping Harry cope with the aftermath of being shot in the head and losing his position as Galahad. With Eggsy at his side, it had been bearable, but on his own, even after two years to learn how to manage without his husband, he just can’t do it. It’s next to impossible to ignore a missing eye and a limitation to desk work without Eggsy’s smile there to pull him through it.

“I think… It’s time to call it a night.” Merlin stands up, gathering their empty glasses and closing up the whiskey decanter.

Harry doesn’t even complain as Merlin ushers him to the bedroom upstairs. He feels utterly weighed down by all the pain and frustration bubbling up in his chest. Harry just wants to go to sleep and wake up again in the morning with no recollection of having ever watched that video. He’s not stupid. He knows that life isn’t some sort of fairy tale. Harry’s not going to wake up tomorrow morning to the news that _‘Surprise! Eggsy’s been alive all along!_ ’ because that’s not how life works. He knows better than that. You don’t get to be a spy for three decades without losing a lot of hope.

But there’s a part of Harry – the part of him that watches Pretty Woman and is absolutely endeared with Edward and Vivian – that is nonsensical and hopeful and naïve. It’s a small part that even all those years in Kingsman hadn’t beaten down. A part of himself that Harry hates because it’s a part of him that can watch a video of some assassin and see Eggsy in it, grow hopeful and wonder if perhaps, by some strange blessing or coincidence, Harry didn’t lose the love of his life two years ago.

Harry doesn’t drink to forget, he drinks to drown out that childishly hopeful voice in the back of his head, considering absurd conspiracies and fairy tales.

Merlin gets Harry into bed and retreats into the guest room to sleep off his share of the whiskey. Harry lies awake for most of the night, willing away thoughts of when he’d fallen asleep with a warm body curled up against him every night. He most definitely _doesn’t_ think about every morning when more often than not, he’d been woken by tufts of blond hair tickling under his chin and hot puffs of breath against his neck as Eggsy huffed and whined that their alarm clock rang too early.

At some point, JB had trots in and curls up in his usual spot on Eggsy’s side of the bed. Harry had used to vehemently campaign against letting JB sleep on their bed, citing dog hair and muddy paws. Now it’s a regular occurrence, a comfort he looks forward to on sleepless nights. Harry leans over and gently scratches the pug’s ears. JB predictably flops onto his back in search of belly rubs. Harry complies with a sad smile

“Eggsy spoiled you rotten, didn’t he? He spoiled me too. Got me too used to a home. Now I just come back to an empty house,” Harry murmurs. “Not quite the same, is it, boy?”

Harry had used to tease Eggsy constantly for his habit of talking to JB. Now he can see the point of it. It makes the cold nights feel a little less lonely, a little easier to get through. It doesn’t hurt that JB, without a fail, wags his butt happily and licks at his fingers. It’s hard to feel too terribly upset with a happy pug licking at his fingers. Harry sighs and pats JB’s head one last time before he pushes away all thoughts of Eggsy and lets himself fall into sleep. .

 

 

\-----

 

Harry only gets forty-five minutes of sleep. It’s just his luck that just as he’s managed to stop thinking about Eggsy and the Winter Soldier, he gets a call through the Kingsman line. The one that Harry gets calls through when someone is trying to contact Arthur. It’s half past three in the morning, so Harry is expecting the absolute worst. He’s thinking global war or coup d’état or maybe a nuclear bombing. Somehow, finding out that the Prime Minister has been assassinated is worse than all those combined. Much worse. It’s not that the PM has died – a Knight’s loyalties lie first and foremost with Kingsman, not Queen and country, contrary to popular belief – no it’s that the culprit has already been identified as the Winter Soldier.

He calls Lancelot and Percival in for an emergency meeting before getting up and dressed as quickly as he can muster. Harry leaves JB snoring on the bed and gives the pug one last affectionate pat before going downstairs. He’d hoped to leave Merlin sleeping and go in to handle this independently, but of course, Merlin is already up and making two mugs of coffee. Harry would have grumbled and complained under normal circumstances, but it isn’t even four yet and the coffee smells delicious. He just sits down and takes the offered mug, having a long drink of it to wake himself.

Merlin waits until Harry’s halfway through his second mug before breaching the subject at hand. “I think you should stay here. It’d be best if I took over the handling. You’re emotionally compromised. Lancelot as well.”

“I think you should fuck off,” Harry says, finishing his second serving of coffee and getting up to grab his coat. “Speaking as your friend, of course. Speaking as your boss I’d say that you really have no business deciding whether or not I’m emotionally compromised. That’s my call to make.”

“Harry. We’re both hungover because we drank half a bottle of whiskey over this assassin. That doesn’t point to mental stability,” Merlin points out as he follows Harry out the door.

Harry takes offence to that and scoffs. “I’ve taken down private armies more hungover than this. I think I can handle debriefing two agents on a simple mission.”

There’s already a Kingsman cab waiting for them outside Harry’s house and they slide into the back. The screen on the back of the front seats provides them with some more information, but there isn’t much to know other than what they’d been told in their emergency phone call: the PM is dead, the Winter Soldier had done it, and nobody’s quite sure where the assassin had gone, but it’s highly likely he’s still in London.

Merlin knows when a fight isn’t worth it, especially this early in the morning, so he relents with a nod. “Fine. But I’m going to be there with you. To provide a voice of reason when you inevitably want to do something stupid.”

“One would think that being Arthur would have earned me some respect.”

“There isn’t a title in the world that could make me forget that you’re an irrational bastard.”

They make the rest of the trip in silence. Harry sulks the whole way and is the first one out of the Kingsman cab when they get to the tailor shop. Harry’s phone is dinging endlessly with frantic messages from the government, but he’s more than happy to ignore them. They need to sit and have a proper debriefing and planning session with their agents if they want to do this right. If they were the type to rush into a problem with guns blazing and nothing planned out, they’d be MI6.

Percival and Roxy are already sitting at the table when Harry and Merlin come in. They haven’t been told everything about the situation, yet, so they’re currently more concerned with grumbling about lost sleep than anything else. Their mumbled complaints to one another stop immediately when Harry walks in, though, and they turn towards him expectantly.

“Last time I was woken for a spontaneous mission like this, the Soviet Union had tried to nuke half the world,” Percival notes, leaning back against his seat.

“Yes, that was quite the headache,” Harry recalls. “As I mentioned in my message calling you two over here, the Prime Minister was assassinated in his home early this morning. What I felt was best to share in person is that the assassin has been identified as the Winter Soldier. Hence why I called you in, Lancelot.”

Roxy tenses up ever so slightly and nods stiffly. “Yes, Arthur. And he’s still in London, I assume?”

Harry nods. “It would appear so. We’re going to have you attempt to engage him again and Percival, we want you up on a rooftop with your rifle as backup.”

“Yes, sir. Shooting at my discretion or at your order?”

Harry hesitates. He knows that Eggsy’s dead and that the real world doesn’t believe in miracles or spontaneous resurrections, but there’s still a part of him that wants to see who’s underneath the mask. Perhaps it could provide some sort of closure for him. Merlin’s giving him a disapproving look, however, and Harry reasons with himself that they can pull a mask off a corpse just as well as off a prisoner. “At your discretion, Percival.”

Percival nods and they go over a few additional details before going to suit up and gather the necessary weapons. Harry is going to act as a liaison between them and the Cabinet and hand out orders regarding any necessary evacuations or lockdowns, so he waits for them at the shop entrance. Merlin passes by on his way to the bullet train to HQ.

“I’m going to handle from my office. Don’t make me regret letting you go off on your own,” Merlin warns.

“I’m not a child, Merlin. I can take care of myself,” Harry grumbles.

Merlin rolls his eyes as he heads into the dressing room. “I doubt that at times.”

Harry glares at Merlin’s back and sits down to sulk dramatically as he waits. Roxy and Percival are ready within five minutes and the three of them climb into the back of a Kingsman car together. A van this time, to accommodate Percival’s equipment. It’s not even five yet and while it isn’t _dark_ out – the city lights never really allow for that – it’s practically deserted. As they pull up at Downing Street to drop Harry off, Harry’s pleased to see that the inevitable flurry of press hasn’t begun yet. There hasn’t been an official announcement, but there was always the risk of some member of the staff sharing the news.  

The original plan is for Percival and Lancelot to hold a stakeout somewhere near the middle of the city to wait for the Winter Soldier to show up again and then move accordingly. That all gets scrapped when Merlin tunes them into some CCTV footage of the assassin just lounging at the side of bridge, leaning up against an unmarked black van that they strongly suspect is Hydra’s. That sets off a whole new discussion as they sit together in the back of the van.

“Do you think he’s waiting for us?” Roxy frowns, watching the footage. He’s standing so still, it may as well be a screenshot. It’s horribly unnerving.

“Most definitely,” Harry agrees, nodding. He’s already pulling up blueprints of nearby buildings for Percival. He points out one that looks adequate, a nice height and with a cluttered enough rooftop to provide some cover for Percival. “That should work, yes?”

Percival looks it over and nods. “Looks perfect. Still shooting at my discretion, yes?”

“Yes. If he’s waiting for us, it’s likely his next mark is meant to be someone from Kingsman. That’s trouble for us. If possible, leave no survivors. Clean up will be a hassle, but a dead Prime Minister will take up any possible news coverage.” Arthur is the one taking over, which makes things simpler. When Harry takes on his Arthur persona, his first and foremost concern is Kingsman. Everything else becomes an afterthought. Only a few hours earlier, Harry had been grieving and obsessing over the similarities between Eggsy and the assassin at hand. Arthur had been doing no such thing and it’s far easier to make these calls when thinking through those lens. Harry can see that Roxy has done similar with Lancelot.

“I’m to engage him, sir? And accommodate a shot for Percival, I assume,” she says. She’s thinking back to when she’d had to engage him the day before, trying to figure out how she’ll manage that. They’d been so in sync, she has a feeling he’ll know exactly what she’s trying to do.

“Correct, Lancelot.” Harry nods. “I’ll remain here to get a head start on clean up and try to come up with a way to release this to the press that doesn’t reveal too much. Best of luck to you both. And be safe. I’m not in the mood for brandy.”

Harry pats both their knees, giving them a tense, tired smile as he exits the car. After watching the car head out, he heads inside to fulfill the boring, political aspect of his job. Arthur’s calm and collected and confident to the point of arrogance. Harry, however, is filled with an inexplicable sense of dread gnawing at his inside. There’s something _off_ about all this, but there’s nothing to do, but ride it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh, there's no reason for Eggsy to have gotten the nickname Winter Soldier. It just sounds cool. Also, Hydra is a thing here, but not really lie in the MCU. I just sort of took like the shell from it. Hydra still has that sort of new world order type of vibe to it here and they've dabbled in super soldiers, but they're not as prevalent or powerful as in MCU. Just so we're all clear and you guys don't expect that giant death ray satellite thing from the movie lol
> 
> I can be found over on Tumblr at [dilestrade](http://dilestrade.tumblr.com/) or [unwins-boy](http://unwins-boy.tumblr.com/) for prompts, chatting, questions, and whatnot


	4. HeavyDirtySoul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Roxy's suspicions are confirmed. And not under the best of circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Gangsters don't cry,_   
>  _Therefore, therefore I'm,_   
>  _Mr. Misty-eyed, therefore I'm._
> 
> _Can you save, can you save my—_   
>  _Can you save my heavydirtysoul?_
> 
> \- heavydirtysoul, Twenty-One Pilots

Handling press censorship after mayhem like this is a horrible job and it’s easily Harry’s least favorite part of being Arthur. The only small blessing he has now is that because he has two agents out on the field for a dangerous mission, so he gets to insist on getting a room all to himself so he can monitor their mission. Instead of having to deal with all the politicians directly, he’ll just look over their typed up speeches for the press release and edit as he pleases. It’s much better than the headache he would have gotten from all the squabbling.

Harry’s computer is wired with several CCTV cameras and their agents’ glasses’ feed, keeping him updated on Percival and Lancelot. Percival has already set up his little sniper’s nest on the rooftop and is maintaining visual on Hydra’s van. After pulling quite a bit of strings and a fair deal of hassle, they’d managed to close down the bridge the van is on. Lancelot is heading there on foot to engage the assassin. The Winter Soldier, just as he’d been when they’d dispatched Percival and Lancelot, is still leaning up against the van, casually waiting for Lancelot to arrive.

“We already know he’s a good shot, Lancelot, and the Prime Minister’s body has only just cooled if we need a reminder of it. So focus on disarming him first and then do your best to overpower him or give Percival a clear shot. And let Percy worry about any other goons that might be there with him,” Harry instructs. Merlin is technically the mission’s handler, but really, he’s essentially letting Harry take it over. He’s just overseeing just in case Harry decides he wants to make any stupid decisions.

“Yes, Arthur,” Lancelot nods and she pauses just before she rounds the corner towards the bridge. “And… take a shot myself if I have one, sir?”

Harry hesitates for too long before answering, so Merlin takes over. “Aye. He’s already proven to be a hassle. And while he may be good for information regarding that group of his, I reckon he’d also prove to be a threat if we tried to keep him under containment. So if the chance arises, you’re under orders to shoot, agent.”

“Understood, sir.”

She rounds the corner and walks onto the bridge and Harry feels as though he’s watching a Wild West movie. The assassin obviously spots her. He tenses up and pushes off the van, walking to stand in the middle of the road. There’s an arrogant air to his posture, filled with youthful cockiness. His face is just as covered as it had been last time, but Harry has a feeling there’s a challenging smirk underneath that mask. Roxy moves to stand across from him, about fifteen yards ahead. Her hand is hovering over one of her pistols and the assassin is clutching at a weapon of his own, but neither of them make a move. It seems that they’re both remembering their previous encounter as they remain at a standstill for a few moments.

The effect is ruined when Percival lines up a shot and tries to take it. The assassin moves with reflexes that should be impossible as he tosses himself into a roll forward to avoid it. It’s a reaction faster than anyone’s should be, almost superhuman. Harry is filled with a sense of dread that they may be dealing with an organization dabbling in enhancing individuals and engineering super soldiers. It’s like something out of a movie, but Kingsman seems to specialize in dealing with cartoony supervillains. Percival’s shot sets everything in motion and the assassin finishes his roll forward up on one knee and with a rifle up against his shoulder and pointed at Lancelot. She’s already moving to avoid getting shot at and try to disarm him, but it wouldn’t have mattered either way. The Winter Soldier doesn’t take the shot. His finger doesn’t even go down to the trigger, instead remaining pressed up against the barrel. The assassin’s entire body language reads confusion and reluctance. For the life of him, Harry can’t figure out why. (In all honesty, he’s thinking of a possibility, but he doesn’t dare indulge himself in thoughts like that. Not when he has to handle the mission and keep his agents safe.)

There were a few other Hydra agents as backup, like they’d suspected, but Percival takes care of them quickly. The assassin doesn't even hesitate or show the slightest bit of remorse as they fall dead. When he raises his rifle to take some shots at Lancelot, though, they’re off target and sloppy. Lancelot barely has to move to avoid getting hit and she’s on him within seconds, with relatively little effort. It’s a far cry from the deadly, highly-trained assassin they’d dealt with yesterday. There’s a brief moment when he has a perfectly clear shot at Lancelot’s temple, but for some reason, he doesn’t even try to take it. He lets the opportunity go and simply tosses his gun aside without a second thought, taking a knife in hand instead.

Harry's attention strays from the computer and down to the speeches he's overlooking. Lancelot is one of their best at hand to hand, so Harry's not too worried. There's Merlin overlooking to keep a constant eye on her and Percival should anything go wrong from one second to the next. He looks up every once in a while and is glad to see she's keeping up just fine. It's just like she'd said. They're more dancing around each other than they are actually fighting. Harry has seen agents down at the gym sparring with less grace and cooperation than the two of them.

When Harry next looks up, Roxy has managed to send him skidding down the pavement. The assassin is lying face down on the pavement, his mask lying discarded a few feet behind him and he's struggling to get up. Harry feels too proud for Lancelot to worry much about what's underneath that mask. Percival has a shot lined up and Harry looks back down at the speech he's currently reading. He trusts his agents enough to know that this fight is essentially over. Percival is counting down the shot he's going to take and just as he gets to one, Roxy lets out a shriek to stop. Harry looks up at the sound and sees what's stopped her. The assassin has moved to sit up now. It's the first time he looks anything other than arrogant and in control. He's looking about in frantic confusion before fearfully meeting Roxy's eyes.

Through the glasses feed, Harry is looking straight at a pair of green eyes he knows all too well.

 

 

\---

 

 

Gary's confused. There's a whole mess of emotions running through him. Emotions that are ugly and new and that he doesn't know how to handle. He's a machine. A soldier meant to just follow orders and pull the trigger on whoever his superiors point his gun towards. He's never had a problem following his orders. But Gary felt unnerved, unsure for the very first time that morning when he'd been handed the file on his latest target. One Harry Hart, head of an organization by the name of Kingsman. The names stir something inside of him, but he can't figure out what. Gary had tried to just ignore it. His job, his purpose is to follow orders.

It's had been hard to ignore the feelings as he'd gone through his first job of executing the Prime Minister (a strategic move by Gary's masters meant to draw out Harry Hart and his Kingsmen) but it's downright impossible to cast them aside when he was to go up against the same young woman he'd encountered the day before. He can't pinpoint it, but it's like there's something holding him back. He wants to kill this woman, at least... he thinks so? It doesn't matter what he wants. He's under orders to kill her and that should be enough. Gary's purpose is to take orders, not think. He just needs to remember that and he'll be fine.

But he can't. His body's acting of its own accord, holding him back and not letting him act properly. He lets easy shots go by, he focuses more on dodging and blocking than he does on actually attacking, and for God's sake, he even tosses aside his gun. He's getting yelled at through his ear piece, enough that his ear is starting to hurt, but he's ignoring it. He's never ignored orders before, but he can't help it. He's just not thinking straight.

Gary lets his guard down enough that he gets sent flying down the road. His enhanced arm leaves skid marks along the pavement and by now, his superior are yelling so loudly in his ear that he's sure he'll have a ringing in his ear after this is done. He realizes vaguely that he's lost his mask, but his superiors are more than aware of it and he's getting yelled about that too. There's yelling about a sniper in Gary's ear and as he sits up, he almost feels like his world is crashing down around him. He takes orders. That's simple. Hydra points the gun and he pulls the trigger. Gary can do that. But this?

He feels confusion for the briefest of moments. He can't remember why he's here, why he's doing this. He wants to go home, but he can't remember where that is. He's pained and he misses someone. Someone who he can't remember a thing about other than he'd loved them. But that makes no sense. He's a soldier. He doesn't loves, he kills. The woman standing across from him looking horrified, she makes him feel a dull ache through his chest. It's like his heart is hurting, but none of it makes any sense.

If he does get sniped, he might just thank the sniper that does it. It would be a small mercy to die. All the strange, messy feelings in him would be gone. Not to mention, he's sure to get punished when he goes to base. Not fulfilling his mission? And losing his face covering? Fuck, he may as well have signed his own death sentence. For whatever reason, the bullet never comes. He's left just sitting there, waiting. The woman is left screaming - Gary thinks he sees her crying, but that doesn't make sense either - but most of it is all drowned out by his superiors yelling in his ear. He does hear one thing through the insults and promises of punishment getting yelled in his earpiece.

"Eggsy," she keeps screaming.

But that's ridiculous. That's not a word. Is it? Gary's not sure. He's not sure of a lot of things right now. The name sounds familiar - and he's sure it's a name, he doesn't know why because it sure as fuck isn't a real name, but he just knows it is. His head hurts from it all. Like there's something deep inside trying to claw its way out of his skull. He's missing someone he can't remember, the woman he should have killed by now makes his heart ache, and that fake name she's yelling out is making his head hurt with uncertainty. Gary's so confused and nothing feels real. He hates it. The one thing that isn't confusing him is the orders being yelled in his ear. Orders to disengage and retreat. Gary can definitely do that. He gets up, spares that woman in front of him a hesitant look, and then gets the fuck out of there. Even whatever punishment Hydra has for him is better than all the feelings he's having here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was sad to write and it doesn't get any better for a while lmao Hope you enjoyed it though! Gary (Brainwashed Eggsy) is fun to write. (The chapter's a day early because of Thanksgiving tomorrow, btw, other than this it'll resume the Thursdays and Sundays schedule)
> 
> I can be found over on Tumblr at [dilestrade](http://dilestrade.tumblr.com/) or [unwins-boy](http://unwins-boy.tumblr.com/) for prompts, chatting, questions, and whatnot


	5. Things We Lost In The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kingsman has the daunting task of trying to decide what they'll do with this new found information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I read them all one day_  
>  _When loneliness came and you were away_  
>  _Oh they told me nothing new,_  
>  _But I love to read the words you used_  
>  \- Things We Lost In The Fire, Bastille

Harry's world is falling apart underneath him. He's sure of that. All those fragile lies he'd told himself to convince himself that he's fine without Eggsy? Destroyed in an instant by getting to see those green eyes again for a fraction of a second. He frantically pulls back the order to kill him, even as Eggsy gets up and runs off, and Harry is left utterly broken. For all that he'd speculated the night before, he hadn't stopped to think about what he might do if it were actually true. It had been an outlandish theory. Stupid, drunken hopes more than anything. Never in a million years would have Harry thought it could be true.

But there's no denying that was Eggsy. Harry's Eggsy.  Rougher than when Harry had last seen him, with that long, unbrushed hair, yes. With that metal arm on him, yes. Wild looking, frantic and feral, yes. But Eggsy. Undeniably Eggsy.  He won't even complain that the Eggsy he has is an assassin. Harry would drop everything and start a criminal empire for Eggsy if that's what it would take. He loves him to the end of the universe and back. Harry will take what he can get. Except that he can't. He can't get Eggsy. Not even an Eggsy turned dark. Because Eggsy had turned and ran before they could even get a word out of him.

Harry stares at Roxy's feed his computer screen, the press releases he's meant to be reading completely forgotten. He stares and stares and stares. But Eggsy's not coming back into view. It's just an empty road. Harry's head is pounding. Aching from how impossible this is, from the grief of having Eggsy there, within reach but still just too far. Somehow, it's more painful than just losing him completely.

Harry's head is pounding, but through the throbbing he can hear Merlin giving Lancelot and Percival instructions. "Lancelot, retreat. Don't chase after him. I repeat: Don't. Chase. After him. Percival, pack up. You won't be sniping anyone today. Go fetch Arthur and come back to HQ. Immediately."

Percival and Lancelot both respond with a dutiful, "Yes, sir," though Roxy's is obviously more torn up than Percival's.

Harry is still sitting there when Percival comes in to retrieve him. He's still sitting there, staring at his computer, which is now frozen on a still of Eggsy from Roxy's glasses. Percival goes over and very carefully closes up Harry's laptop.

"Are you done with these, sir?" Percival gestures to the papers. Harry barely spares them a glance before nodding. Percival hands them over to Lancelot, who goes to hand them off to all the appropriate people for the press conference. He helps to gather up Harry's things and then coaxes his boss to stand up. "Come on, sir. Back to HQ. We'll find him. You know we will. Just have to organize ourselves first."

Percival lead Harry back to the car and buckles him into the back between him and Lancelot. It seems the shock has finally gotten to Harry and he can't help but feel quite useless. "I suppose... I suppose Merlin owes us both an apology for saying we were being silly and seeing things that weren't there. Doesn't he, Lancelot?"

"I think this is one thing that he won't mind being told I told you so on, Harry," Roxy says softly, patting Harry's knee.

 

 

\----

 

 

Merlin is, of course, more than happy as he admits he was wrong. There aren't any overly obvious emotions on Merlin's face as they debrief, there never is, but everything from his posture to his tone of voice radiates subtle joy. Harry can't stop smiling. Eggsy's not dead. They're not sure what sort of state of mind he's in, but Harry doesn't care. Eggsy's not dead. That's all that matters.

Of course, Merlin has to ruin it. After they dismiss Lancelot and Percival, Merlin sits Harry down across from him for further discussion. "I'll set up some monitoring. I promise, the next time he pops up for some assassination, we'll be the first to know so we can send someone to try to get him back."

Harry starts to thank him, but Merlin cuts him off with a regretful look on his face.

"I know you've missed him and I know you can't wait to get him back, but... we need to be realistic, Harry. We need to think about how the Eggsy we're going to get back is very likely not the Eggsy you let go."

"Well, I don't care! It's Eggsy. As long as it's Eggsy, I don't care."

"Harry... Be reasonable. He's an assassin. He's dangerous. And on top of that, he obviously doesn't remember us. He was attacking Roxy, Harry. His very best friend. That Eggsy isn't the Eggsy we were last with."

"He was attacking her, but he didn't kill her, did he? You saw the same footage I did. He had plenty of chances, but he didn't kill her. He's in there somewhere, Merlin. I know he is. And I'm not going to give up on him."

"Harry, all I'm asking is that you're reasonable."

"I am reasonable, Merlin. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to get done. And you have some to get done as well, don't you? If how elusive Eggsy has been until now is anything to go off of."

Merlin sighs and goes over to his computer. "Yes, Arthur. I'll be on it."

 

 

\---

 

 

Harry calls a table meeting about it. Perhaps it's a slight abuse of power to make finding Eggsy a priority, but the way he sees it, this is vitally important. Eggsy is a highly dangerous assassin and he's already killed the PM. It's Kingsman's job to make sure he doesn't kill anymore highly visible figures, lest the public start to panic and start turmoil. And if taking care of that just happens to bring Eggsy back to him well who can blame Harry for finding the good in a bad situation.

The entire table already knows what they're being called about as they sit down or tune in holographically. Kingsman takes only the best. The best strategists, the best hackers, the best fighters, and apparently, the best gossipers. Things spread like wildfire. Still, to maintain at least some level of professionalism, they all pretend not to know what's going on as Harry starts talking.

"As I'm sure you've all heard by now, our Prime Minister has been assassinated. By no other than the Winter Soldier, a rather pesky assassin that you all know we've had to deal with recently. Some more information came to light today." Eggsy always used to tease Harry for being a drama queen and as Harry pauses for dramatic effect, he can't help but agree. "It seems this assassin we're dealing with is none other than Eggsy. Our old Galahad."

 All their agents in HQ don't even try to look surprised, but their agents abroad who haven't had time to engage in office gossip look completely taken aback. When Harry had come back after supposedly dying, it had been a shock. No one expects to see two agents resurrected within a few years of each other. Their new Galahad, Augustus something or the other the third, just shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"Obviously, bringing him back is top priority," Harry goes on. "Not only is it a horrible danger to have someone with our training running around as an assassin for an enemy organization, but... I think I don't speak for just myself when I say that we all quite miss him."

There's only half a beat of silence before Kay speaks up, "Arthur, sir, is Galahad," Kay looks over at their new Galahad awkwardly and corrects himself, "Eggsy going to be all right? He's been brainwashed or something, yes? He's not exactly the assassin type."

He looks sincerely concerned, all of them at the table do, and Harry's not surprised. They'd all loved Eggsy. It was hard not to when he had always been so kind to everyone. Eggsy had been ruthless in the field, but once he was back home and he'd shed the mantle of Galahad, he'd always been as sweet as can be to everyone. Save for one or two traditionalists who were too stubborn to let their opinions be changed, all the knights had grown to adore Eggsy like a little brother. In getting Eggsy back, Harry's not just getting back his husband, but the table is also getting back a well loved little brother.

Harry explains what they know to Kay and the others, even though it's not much. "We know very little for sure now, but going off his recent activity and his lack of recognition towards Lancelot, it's highly likely he's suffering from some sort of amnesia. Whether it's fabricated or not shall be determined at a later date. Merlin and his department shall be closely monitoring the situation and the moment we catch sight of him, we'll send word out. If you're not currently on an active mission, you're henceforth considered to be on standby for this retrieval. Any questions?"

"Yes, sir, just one. When Eggsy comes back and gets better, where's he going to sit? Table's full and it won't exactly be our table if Eggsy's here, but not here," Gawain says and though he says it half playfully, Harry knows it's a true concern.

"We'll handle that once we've found, Gawain. But don't you worry, there'll always be a spot for him here." It warms Harry's heart that they believe in Eggsy as much as Harry does.

 

 

\---

 

Merlin calls him down to his office some time after the meeting with the knights had wrapped up. Harry went downstairs, pulling up the chair and sitting down across from his friend. Merlin looks worried about something and Harry's mind immediately jumps to the worst. Was Eggsy okay? Had something happened? Had Harry lost him before he'd even fully gotten him back?

"He's fine," Merlin starts with, seeing Harry's worry. "A far as we know, anyway. But I'm afraid there's someone we neglected to consider." Harry stares at him blankly and Merlin sighs. "His mother, Harry. And his sister. She's spent these last two years thinking he's dead. We can't just stroll in out of the blue and tell her he's alive."

"Well... we're not going to tell her yet," Harry says, shaking his head. "There's no need to yet. And we can't inform her until we're sure he's thinking straight again. There's too much of a risk of him saying something about Kingsman and his job."

"That' the problem, isn't it? People don't just come back from the dead. And certainly not tailors! We told her he died in a car accident," he reminds Harry. "People don't just come back two years after a car accident."

Harry's head is beginning to hurt again. He frowns, rubbing at his temple and leaning back in his chair. Merlin's right, of course. There's really no way to go about this without revealing too much. Not without Michelle putting up a fight over it. He sighs. He just wants Eggsy back without the headache and hassle. That would just be too nice and comfortable a fate for Harry, so it seems.

"Perhaps... We'll leave it to Eggsy," Harry suggests. "We won't tell her until it's sure we have him back, truly back. And then once we do... well, we can leave it to Eggsy to figure out. He knows her best, after all."

Merlin nods, though it's obvious that neither of them is pleased with the solution they've come up with. Harry heads back up to his office to do the rest of his work for the day and do everything in his power to resist the temptation to obsessively check in on Merlin's monitoring. They'll find Eggsy, he's sure of it.


	6. Miss Missing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Sometimes before it gets better_  
>  _The darkness gets bigger_  
>  _The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger_  
>  \- Miss Missing You, Fall Out Boy

It's three weeks before anything comes up. It's the longest three weeks of Harry's life. He'd spent every waking moment obsessing over the search, sitting by his computer at every free moment to check if maybe Eggsy has been found again. Merlin had promised that if they found anything, Harry would be the first to know, but that's not enough for Harry. He can't think of anything but finding Eggsy again and actively monitoring the search for him is the only thing that keeps him calm.

The three weeks had dragged on, weighing Harry down more with every passing day. He's not sure what he'll do if he has to lose Eggsy all over again. The first time had been hard enough, but to have Eggsy back for the briefest of moments only to get him ripped away again? That would utterly break him. When they finally - finally! - get a lead after the three weeks, Harry's ecstatic. It's the happiest he's ever been. Happier, even, than when he'd woken up in Kentucky after getting shot. He rushes down to Merlin's office, eager to get every bit of information they have. He's sure there isn't much to know yet, but even the littlest tidbit of information will make him feel better. He's so close to having Eggsy again. So close. He can't let this go.

Harry bursts into Merlin's office and sits down. "Where is he? I saw that we found him," he elaborates, resisting the urge to commandeer Merlin's computer.

"We spotted him, yes. Near Amsterdam," Merlin explains. Merlin's had to grow a lot more patient the last three weeks. Harry had been nearly unbearable. It was understandable, though, Merlin supposed. These were stressful times. "We've already got Lancelot on a plane headed over."

"Thank God. She knows him best. She'll be able to handle him," Harry says, letting out a sigh of relief. Lancelot knows Eggsy better than almost anyone. She would stay toe to toe with him and if anyone here could go up against this brainwashed version of Eggsy, it’s her. "And are we sure she'll be there before he leaves? He has a history of being in and out rather quickly."

"We've no way of guaranteeing he'll still be there," Merlin answers truthfully. "But we have to try, don't we? It's a risk to have him wandering about. And... Eggsy's worth all the trouble in the world."

Harry nods. He doesn't want get his hopes up, but he can't help but think of the possibility that Eggsy will be back in HQ that evening. Back home where he should be. It's a wonderful thought, but it's also absolutely terrifying to think that he may be getting his hopes up for nothing. A monitor on Merlin's screen shows Lancelot's plane headed over to Amsterdam and Harry watches the dot bleeping for a few moments. He lets it soothe him before he asks, "May I stay here and watch the mission with you? You'll be handling, I assume."

"I will," Merlin nods. "You can stay. If you bring me a refill of my tea."

Harry scoffs, but he stands up with Merlin's empty mug in hand. "Fine, I'll get your tea. One would think you were the boss of this place."

 

 

\---

 

 

Between the two of them, they have nearly a dozen mugs of tea. Harry would like to say that it's because it's a long, stressful mission. In reality, most of their tea drinking is done from anxieties during Lancelot's plane ride over to Amsterdam. The mission itself... well, it actually only takes about five minutes. It's horribly anticlimactic. Harry suspects that Eggsy, brainwashed or not, was still down there somewhere. It's his Eggsy under there, Harry's sure of it. His Eggsy who is absolutely ruthless in the field, but was too kind and compassionate to shoot his dog.

Just like when they'd encountered one another in London and in Russia before that, Lancelot and Eggsy just sort of dance around one another. Neither is quite giving it their all, but it wouldn't have made a difference. They know each other's moves and strategies almost as well as their own. Blocking and counterattacking comes as second nature to them, even if Eggsy can't quite remember why that is. Their dance doesn't end in retreat this time and that seems to be what catches him off guard. Eggsy had been playing a stalling game, simply trying to hold Roxy off until she got an order to retreat. He'd been going at it easy, saving his energy. Eggsy had been prepared to run a marathon, but Lancelot had gone in for a sprint. She'd been counting on this and through a lucky mix of chance and planning, she'd gotten a stunning dart in his neck fairly early into their fighting.

And just like that, Eggsy’s back in his life. Unconscious, tied up, and likely brainwashed, but back in his life, nonetheless. Harry isn’t even certain how to react. He’d been dreaming of something like this for years, but he’d never actually expected to get Eggsy back. He may be a bit of a hopeless romantic at times, yes, but Harry’s not naïve. He knows that coming back from the dead isn’t a regular occurrence in life. But he’d come back from the supposed dead. And now so had Eggsy. Harry’s beginning to think it’s fate that they’re together.

Harry watches as the plane takes off from Amsterdam, on its way back to England again. Back to HQ. Bringing Eggsy back to Harry, back home. Harry downs the rest of his fourth mug of tea and leans back, staring at the screen in wonder and shock.

“Harry…?” Merlin looks over at him and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Are you all right? This is a lot happening. It’s a lot to take in.”

“It… really is,” Harry agrees, nodding. “He’ll be taken down to Medical once he arrives, right? I’d like to be shown to his room. Could you look that up for me? I want to be there when he wakes up again.”

Merlin hesitates, fiddling at his keyboard to stall his answer, even just for a moment. "Are you sure that's a good idea? We don't know how he'll wake up. It might be best to let him wake up and wait until we have an idea how he is. Then you can go down to see him. When you're prepared."

"Merlin! I thought I'd lost him and now he's finally back. He's been gone from me for two years. I refuse to prolong that by even a moment," Harry insists.

"Harry, he very likely doesn't even remember you," Merlin reminds you gently. "And he's likely to be incredibly hostile. I just don't want you to get anymore hurt, Harry. It's not going to hurt anything to wait until we've established how much he does or doesn't remember."

"It would hurt me, Merlin. Will you give me the room number or do I have to go get it myself?"

Merlin reluctantly gives him the room number and Harry goes down to Medical to wait in the room. One of the nurses looks like she's about to ask him to leave the room, but one look at Harry changes her mind. Harry's desperate to see Eggsy again. The last three weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. This time last month, he'd been convinced that Eggsy was dead. And then Roxy had come with her outlandish theory and the slightest bit of hope had grown in Harry, hope that he'd been prepared to lose and have crushed out of him. But it had been true and from one moments to the next, Harry had gotten the love of his life back.

Sort of. There's still the issue that they have no idea what Eggsy will be like. They know from recent events (or at least hope because it's better than the alternative of Eggsy having betrayed them) that he can't remember them and that he's been brainwashed and made into a weapon. He'd held back when fighting with Roxy and hadn't taken his chances to kill her, but he had been far from friendly. More than likely, Eggsy won't remember him. But Harry's okay with that. He can be patient and he's willing to put in any amount of work needed to get Eggsy back. Even an amnesiac, weaponized Eggsy is better than a dead Eggsy.

Harry waits in the room, pacing back and forth and checking Lancelot's plane. His heart is racing with nerves. For two years, he'd come up with ridiculous scenarios where Eggsy would come back from the dead and come back home to him. In his head, Harry had always been suave and known exactly what to do in all those fantasies. Now that it's actually happening, Harry couldn't be less prepared. He doesn't have a clue what he should do when Eggsy's here and wakes up again. Should he introduce himself as a friend? As his husband? Should Harry tell him how much he loves him or would that be overwhelming? Will Eggsy even want to talk to him?

Harry approaches it as he does a mission. He comes up with a plan, a back up plan, and a back up plan for the back up plan. He has a whole script drawn up of all the things he'll say to Eggsy and responses to everything Eggsy might say to him. When Eggsy gets wheeled in an hour later, Harry forgets all of it.

Someone had changed Eggsy into a pair of standard Kingsman pyjamas. Changed out of his mission clothing and fast asleep, he looks softer. Leaps and bounds softer than he'd looked as an assassin. Harry lets out a breath as Eggsy was laid down on the bed, taking a step towards him.

He reached forward, ghosting a hand over Eggsy's hair. He can hardly believe it. After all this time, he finally has Eggsy again. Harry's almost afraid to touch him. As though he might crumble and fade and disappear if Harry touched too hard. He sits down at the edge of Eggsy's bed, gently running his fingers through Eggsy's hair. It's longer than before, down to his shoulders now, and currently, it's a mess, but Harry couldn't care less. He'd take Eggsy in a trash bag and bald if need be. He runs his fingertips down Eggsy's jawline, practically trembling with awe and disbelief. He reaches down and takes Eggsy's hand into his, threading their fingers together and giving it a squeeze.

Roxy's hovering by the doorway and once she's sure Harry won't burst into tears, she steps inside and takes a seat. "He's supposed to be out for another few hours," she explains. "It's... weird having him back, isn't it? Good, one of the best things that's happened in a while, but... weird. Things had just started feeling normal again, I think."

Harry nods in agreement. "I just wonder... how much has changed." From the skin he can see now, Harry notes scars he doesn't recognize and his gaze lingers on the metal arm. He'd assumed it's a casing of some sort, but...

"It's attached to him," Roxy supplies him with the little information they'd gathered on the plane ride over. "Like a prosthetic limb of sorts, except... it's like a part of him. It's more advanced than even the tech R&D has managed to develop."

"When do you think he was hurt?" Harry frowns, trying not to think of Eggsy hurt and him not there to help. A second, more practical thought comes to him. "Has it been checked for scanners of any sort? The last thing we want is to bring Hydra here."

"Someone from the Tech department already did that before we arrived," Roxy assures him. "His earpiece might have been useful in locating his HQ, but it had a tracking device on it, so we had to destroy it before getting here. I'll mention all of it in my report."

"Roxanne, you were gone for hardly two hours and you were active for all of five minutes. You needn't write a report. You can debrief me informally later. Just... later," Harry says, looking down at Eggsy and carefully brushing a stray strand of hair that had fallen over his face. "I'm afraid I won't be much use until Eggsy's awake again."

Roxy nods in understanding. "Soon. You should get some sleep. You look like you haven't gotten any proper rest in a week."

"Make that three weeks and you'd be right," Harry laughs bitterly, shaking his head. "How could I? We could have lost him all over again. I just... It was as if I couldn't look away for even a moment or I'd lose him all over again."

"I get it. We were all worried. He's home now, though, and he'll still be here whether you wake up. I'll go ask one of the nurses to bring in a cot," she offers, standing up.

Harry shakes his head and moves to sit in one of the regular chairs. "Just this is fine. But thank you for the offer."

Roxy nods and lets him be. Harry's exhausted enough that when he closes his eyes, he's asleep in minutes, even as cramped and uncomfortable as he is in the plastic hospital chair. When he next wakes up, the chair has been kicked out from under him and there's a stiff, cold arm wrapped around his neck. He doesn't need to look down to know. The overhead lighting glints off the metal. Harry knows what he should do. He should take advantage of all he knows about his husband to overpower him, immobilize him, and anesthetize him so they can get him properly restrained. Harry does none of that. Instead, he just stands there in shock and mumbles a quiet, "Eggsy..."

"Harry Hart." Eggsy's voice has none of the compassion and kindness it had always held. It's cold and cruel and Harry can't stand it. "Usually when I get kidnapped, it's not to be taken to my marks."

A mark. That's all Harry is to Eggsy. Just some mark. It makes sense, Harry supposes. Nobody knows him better than Eggsy and nobody would be able to kill him with as much ease as Eggsy. Harry doesn't even know if he has it in him to fight back.

"It'll be over quick if you don't fight back," Eggsy murmurs, moving to pin Harry down to the floor, pressing his forearm up against Harry's throat to stop his breathing. "It's funner this way, don't you think? When you get to see the fear in someone's eyes. All those regrets they remember when they're dying. Makes you realize how unhappy people truly are. Don't you worry. It'll be over soon."

Even if Harry had been attempting some sort of struggle, he wouldn't be able to. He's flat on his back, looking up at Eggsy's eyes. He'd loved Eggsy's eyes. They'd always been impossibly warm and gentle, but now they're just as dark and cruel as the rest of him. Harry knows it just has to be whatever sort of brainwashing he'd been put through, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. What winds up spurring him on is the thought of Eggsy living out the rest of his life as this monster. This isn't Eggsy and Harry knows that Eggsy, really Eggsy who's loving and wonderful, would be crushed to see himself.

When he's actually fighting back, it doesn't take much for Harry to overpower him. Eggsy had been an excellent agent, but Harry still had decades of experience over him and right now, Harry knows more of Eggsy's weaknesses than Eggsy does of his. It helps that Harry's age and eyepatch almost always make his opponents underestimate him. A few fakes and a few well aimed elbows and Eggsy's on his back with a yell. As much as it pains him, Harry knees him in the forehead to get him unconscious again. Eggsy goes out like a light.

Harry gets up off the floor, looking down at Eggsy regretfully. He coughs a few times and rubs at his neck with a wince. It's likely to bruise, which will make for a horribly inconvenient few days. Harry gets up and calls up Merlin. He knows his friend will be insufferable with the smug 'I told you so's' but even Harry's not foolish enough to keep this to himself.

"Merlin? Ah, yes, it seems we've run into a bit of a problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so like the build up was obviously going there, but it still hurts, doesn't it? :P 
> 
> I can be found over on Tumblr at [dilestrade](http://dilestrade.tumblr.com/) or [unwins-boy](http://unwins-boy.tumblr.com/) for prompts, chatting, questions, and whatnot


	7. When the Day Met the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry brings by a special guest to Eggsy's hospital room and they start on the road to remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _When the moon found the sun_  
>  _He looked like he was barely hanging on_  
>  _But her eyes saved his life_  
>  _In the middle of summer_  
>  \- When The Day Met The Night, Panic! At The Disco

“So Eggsy was violent when he woke up?”

“Yes,”

“And he tried to kill you and nearly succeeded because your emotions got in the way?”

“Yes,”

“To recap: everything I warned you about actually happened and now you’re hurt because you were stubborn and went to Eggsy’s hospital room instead of waiting for him to wake up first.”

“Oh shut up, Merlin,” Harry huffs and scowls like a petulant child. He’d known Merlin would be smug, but he’s been insufferable for the last two hours. It’s the last thing Harry needs after finding out that his husband has been ordered to kill him. “And I’m just bruised. That’s hardly something to work up a fuss about.”

“You’re bruised because your husband tried to strangle you. Your husband who, may I add, has been weaponized into some sort of killing machine during the two years he was presumed dead. That’s something to work up a fuss about, I think.”

Harry had stuck around Medical long enough to help restrain Eggsy, but he’d gone right downstairs to Merlin’s office afterward. He’d called Roxy down as well and the three of them are having an impromptu sort of meeting. Harry will likely have to call an actual table meeting about this later, but for now, he needs to consult Merlin and Roxy for advice. They’re practically family and they know Eggsy just as well as Harry does.

Roxy is the eternal voice of reason. “We’re not going to fix much if we just sit here and argue. Harry made a bad choice because he’s stubborn and got hurt. That’s that and we move on. The important thing here is that Eggsy’s been brainwashed and we need to help him remember us again.”

“We’ll have to tell the knights,” Harry says. “They’ll want to know. And perhaps they’ll think of something as well. We have to do something as soon as possible.”

Merlin shakes his head. “It’s a waiting game, more than anything. Being away from Hydra and whoever was controlling him might help, but we’ll have to wait a few days to find out. And since that’s the first thing we have to verify, there isn’t much we can do for a few days. Nothing much but wait.”

Merlin is right, as much as Harry hates to admit it. Their best hope is that some time away from Hydra will help Eggsy get back to normal and to find that out, there's nothing they can do but wait a while. Harry hates it, he feels useless if he's not actively working towards helping Eggsy get better, but he knows it's what must be done. Harry nods reluctantly.

"We'll wait a week to see if it'll start going away on its own. If it's not better by then, we'll start trying to come up with solutions," Harry decides.

"Fair enough," Merlin nods. "When you do go back, I suggest it's with Roxy in tow. If you're his supposed mark, it might be dangerous to go alone. Even if he is restrained."

Harry lets out a long sigh. "I don't need to be babysitted, Merlin. I can take care of myself."

"You can take care of yourself, but you've already shown us that you're not yourself around Eggsy. So you go in with Roxy," Merlin insists. He has the look on his face that Harry knows it won't be worth arguing, so he just grumbles and nods in agreement.

It was the longest three hours of Harry's life as they waited for Eggsy to wake up again. Harry stayed downstairs with Merlin, simply because he couldn't trust himself not to sneak over to Eggsy's hospital room. It's both relieving and terrifying when Medical informs them that Eggsy is awake again. Of course, Harry is glad to know that he can go see Eggsy again, even if it is an Eggsy trying to kill him, but he's not sure how much hate Harry can stand to hear spouted at him. Especially from Eggsy who had used to have nothing but sweet words and caring gestures for him.

"He's being rather... rude," a nurse warns him and Roxy as they go up to Eggsy's medical room.

"Yes, we're aware," Harry mumbles, rubbing at the fresh bruises under his collar. "He's properly restrained, though, right? And comfortable? You haven't tied him up like some criminal, I hope."

"He's fine, Arthur. He won't be getting up off that bed to hurt anyone, but we haven't tied him up excessively cruelly," the nurse assures him.

Harry nods. He pauses outside Eggsy's door and takes a few breaths to encourage himself. Roxy gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze and opens the door for him. Eggsy's staring at the ceiling when they enter, but he sits up to watch them as Harry and Roxy sit down at his bedside. Eggsy smirks cruelly and Harry absolutely hates it. It looks so wrong on his husband's face.

"Usually when someone has a murder attempt on 'em, they don't come right back to their attempted murderer. I'd assume so, anyway. I wouldn't really know. I've never had someone get away before," Eggsy grumbles, sounding horribly frustrated.

"Well, most people aren't placed in situations as awkward as this one," Harry says, smoothing out some nonexistent wrinkles in his suit. "While our wedding vows didn't specifically mention a situation like this, I rather think it was implied."

Eggsy pauses and just stares at him in confusion for a few moments. "The fuck is that s'posed to mean?"

Harry doesn't even know where to start, so Roxy steps in to help him. "We know you, Eggsy. And you know us. You used to work here, but then we lost you an thought you were dead. You've just forgotten us, but we're your friends. And Harry's your husband."

"Ain't gonna fool me," Eggsy snorts. "You wankers don't even know my name. Sure as fuck ain't my friends."

"What do _you_ think your name is?"

“What? Need to know what to write down in cause of death for your friend?” Eggsy smirks. “It’s Gary.”

“Well, yes,” Harry nods. “Your name _is_ Gary. But you haven’t gone by that for ages. You’ve been Eggsy since you were a child.”

There’s a flash of sorrow and regret that passes over Eggsy’s face, but it’s quickly replaced by a glare in Harry’s direction. “You think this ain’t the first time someone’s pretended to know me to avoid getting’ killed? Fuck no it ain’t. An’ you may think you can hold me in here forever, but I’m gonna get out an’ the first thing I’ll do is go at you. An’ I’ll do it properly this time.” He tugs at his restraints with an angry huff, scowling. “I’ll kill you, Harry Hart. I swear it.”

 

 

\----

 

Harry stops by every single day. Sometimes it’s Merlin who accompanies him, other times it’s Roxy. Sometimes it’s even some of the other knights, who are all ecstatic to have Eggsy back, but heartbroken to find that he doesn’t remember them. Regardless of who tags along to accompany him, Harry is there for hours every day. All their interactions go much the same and it breaks Harry’s heart just a little bit more every time Eggsy yells at him and spouts threats and hate. At the very least, it’s become milder over the last week, like Eggsy’s doing it more out of habit and a sense of obligation than actual hatred. Still, everyone around the manor has taken to giving Harry pitiful looks every time he walks by. Harry hates it.

JB has been going absolutely mad ever since Harry had come home smelling of Eggsy. The pug whines and yaps and cries and barks as he tries to burrow himself in Harry’s suits every time the man comes home. His neighbors had spent the last week complaining that JB spent the entire days howling while Harry was gone until finally, Harry relents and brings the pug with him to work. It’s probably the happiest Harry has ever seen JB. Harry ponders for a moment whether to leave JB in his office or bring him along to visit Eggsy, but Harry figures JB will likely escape to follow him anyway.

The pug stops to give everyone a friendly bark on their way down to Medical and everyone is absolutely delighted by the pug, stopping to give him head scratches and belly rubs. Harry hopes JB will be sated enough to not go into a crying fit when Eggsy is just as cold to him as he’s been with everybody. As they approach Eggsy’s room, JB is wiggling and panting excitedly. No doubt he can smell Eggsy in the room. When Harry opens the hospital door, JB bounds inside and hops at Eggsy’s bedside with excited barks. Harry follows in after him. It’s the first time he hasn’t immediately been greeted by threats and yells.

Instead of his usual aggression, Eggsy’s just staring down in confusion at JB. The pug is running back and forth between Harry and Eggsy, trying to get someone to pick him up and place him on the bed. Harry doesn’t feel comfortable doing that just yet. Harry can’t be sure that Eggsy won’t try to do anything to the pug. But Eggsy isn’t even scowling as he usually is. Just staring and staring. Finally, he looks back up at Harry.

He asks, “Jack Bauer, innit?”

Despite Harry’s best attempts not to let it happen, hope blossoms in his chest. He nods. “Yes. You used to call him JB,” he explains. Harry sits down and lifts JB up onto his lap. That calms the pug down some, but he’s still trying to wiggle his way onto Eggsy’s bed. “Are you… are you starting to remember things?”

That brings a scowl onto Eggsy’s face, but it’s weak and halfhearted. Nothing like the pure hatred that had been on his face just a few days earlier. “I don’t believe none of the shit you told me ‘bout bein’ my husband an’ my friends an’ whatever. But… The dog seems familiar. The fuck do I know? Maybe you stole my dog or somethin’.”

“No, we didn’t steal your dog, Eggsy,” Harry sighs. “He’s yours. Ours. I’ve been taking care of him these last two years because we thought you were dead.”

Eggsy mumbles his usual, “My name ain’t Eggsy, it’s Gary.” Like everything else he’s done since Harry stepped into the room, it doesn’t hold the usual sting. Hesitantly, he asks, “Can I hold him?”

“I’m not sure that would be the greatest idea,” Harry frowns, looking down at JB. The dog would be more than happy to go back to his owner, of course, but Harry wouldn’t be able to live with himself if JB got hurt.

“I ain’t gonna hurt him,” Eggsy insists. He tugs at his restraints with a frustrated sigh. “Just let go of one of them. Can’t do nothin’ much with on hand. Nothin’ you wouldn’t be able to stop in a heartbeat.”

Eggsy’s looking at him pleadingly and JB gives him longing puppy eyes. It’s just not fair. Harry doesn’t stand a chance. “…fine,” he agrees. He undoes one of Eggsy’s restraints, almost paranoid. Eggsy does nothing against him, however, so Harry lays a very wriggly JB on Eggsy’s lap.

JB may just have been the happiest dog in the world at that moment. He let out an excited howl and climbed up on Eggsy’s chest to lick at his face and chin. Eggsy laughs – he actually _laughs!_ – and it warms Harry’s heart. He hasn’t seen Eggsy smile since before they’d lost him. Perhaps Harry should have brought JB by a long time ago. Eggsy wrestles JB back down onto his lap and scratches his ears gently. The pug starts licking at Eggsy’s wrist now, before he flops onto his back for belly rubs. Eggsy smiles and pats his belly gently.

“I missed you, buddy,” he murmurs. It seems Eggsy hadn’t been all too aware of what he was saying, because a moment later, his face scrunches up in confusion. “I did. Miss him, I mean. But… that don’t make sense. I don’t know none of you.”

“You do, Eggsy. You know all of us,” Harry insists, moving his chair a smidge closer to Eggsy’s bed. “Me, Roxanne, Merlin, all those other knights that came to visit you. You’re our friend, Eggsy. How else would we have your dog?”

“You could… You could have stolen him a long time ago or somethin’. So you could use him to convince me that you ain’t my enemies,” Eggsy argues weakly.

“If we were attempting to use JB against you, don’t you think we would have brought him by on your very first day here?”

Eggsy just rubs JB’s belly in silent defeat. Harry watches them both for a while, amazed at how much of a difference one unruly, overly excited pug can make. Harry can practically see all the fight leave Eggsy. He might not be completely on board with trusting them just yet, but it’s leaps and bounds better than it’d been just a few hours earlier. Harry lets JB and Eggsy play together and pulls out his phone to send an email to Merlin as he does.

_Merlin,_

_I brought JB down to Eggsy this morning. (And don’t you dare yell at me about coming down on my own, you twat, everything worked out perfectly.) He remembered JB and he seems to be on the way to trusting us and opening. Come down and bring Roxanne along with you. Perhaps we can get him to remember some more._

_Harry_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like my friend Dev said, JB is Eggsy's main squeeze so ofc he remembers JB first xD We're just about the halfway point of this story, so tell me how you're liking it so far, predictions, what you're looking forward to. I don't bite, I swear!   
> Thanks for reading!


	8. I Will Follow You Into the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress is made with Eggsy. They dare to grow a little hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _If Heaven and Hell decide_  
>  _That they both are satisfied_  
>  _Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs_  
>  _If there's no one beside you_  
>  _When your soul embarks_  
>  _Then I'll follow you into the dark_  
>  \- I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Death Cab for Cutie

Eggsy hadn’t remembered Roxanne nor Merlin when they’d come down. Everything that had happened with JB had made them hopeful and the hope had made them desperate. They’d shown him every picture they could get their hands on and told him story after story of them together in hopes that Eggsy would remember something. Instead of making a miraculous recovery, Eggsy had just grown unsettled and annoyed as he hugged JB tighter to his chest. They’d stopped when he’d been growing obviously uncomfortable.

They still bring JB to his room every day, though. The pug’s doing wonders in helping them along. Eggsy’s even beginning to warm up to them. No longer are they greeted by slurs and threats and insults. Now Eggsy might even give them a smile and ask them how they’re doing when they walk in. Harry’s never been happier. Slowly, they let go of his restraints, piece by piece, until finally, Eggsy’s even allowed out of his bed. The knights rotate watching over him, just in case, but Eggsy hasn’t tried anything yet. He’s just happy to walk around again and get to play with JB along his hospital room. It’s like a completely different person to the assassin they’d brought in a week ago. It seems they’re getting Eggsy back, little by little.

Eggsy’s been behaving so much more calmly, in fact, that they let him go out twice a day to walk JB around the manor. The first time he’d gone out, the entire manor had been on edge. As much as they hated to think about it, they all knew an escape attempt was very likely and the knights had been given orders to stop him regardless of what it took. No such escape attempt happened though and it was like the entire manor had taken a sigh of relief. The stress of letting Eggsy out to walk isn’t there anymore and the knights even fight over who gets to accompany him now. Roxy almost always wins.

Eggsy eyes her curiously as they’re getting ready to go out on a walk. He’s been dressed in a hideous jumpsuit (something they give the recruits, they’d told him) since he’d refused to wear any of the clothes Harry had brought by and claimed were his, but it’s a small price to pay for getting to leave the hospital room. As he bends down to clip on JB’s leash, he comments, “You’re down here way more often than everyone but Hart. You and I… was we close or something?”

The fact that Eggsy has stopped arguing against them knowing each other from before is a good sign, but it doesn’t stop Roxy from smiling sadly as she nods. “We were. You and I were best friends. Absolutely inseparable.”

Eggsy’s quiet for a while. He doesn’t say anything as they head out to the jogging paths along the manor with JB in tow. The pug is jumping eagerly and running through their legs as they go outside, but it seems JB changes his mind about ten minutes in. JB huffs and sits down, stubbornly refusing to move, even as Roxy tries to coax him forward and Eggsy tugs at his leash. Eggsy is struck by a sudden memory of running through these paths, in the same hideous jumpsuit. He remembers it vividly, Roxy running by his side with a poodle and running far, far ahead of him when JB had done the very same thing and refused to run. Eggsy even remembers holding an unloaded rifle and pointing it at the dog in frustration. He stops his tugging in shock.

“Roxy… You and I… Were we some sort of… students together?” His face is scrunched up in confusion as he looks at her. He’s filled with an uneasy feeling. He’s not sure what’s going on. He can’t tell what’s truth and what’s lies. He feels useless and Eggsy hates feeling useless.

“We trained here together,” Roxy nods. She’d learned a thing or two about the dangers of hope since they’d found Eggsy, but she can’t help but get excited now. He remembers JB and now, apparently, he’s starting to remember her too. “That’s when we became such good friends. During training to be Kingsman agents.”

Eggsy nods and remains in quiet thought for a few moments. “We used to run here, yeh? An’ once JB did this exact same thing an’ didn’t wanna keep up?”

“Yes! On our very first day here,” Roxy says, grinning from ear to ear. “Are you remembering? What else are you thinking?”

“Not that much,” Eggsy warns.

JB starts to walk again and Eggsy lets him lead, following in silence. There’s a lot going through his head and a lot of uncomfortable feelings to sort out. He’s not used to that. Feelings. Hydra had done a good job at making him into a machine. It was rare for him to ever think of anything other than his marks and how to kill them. Even when he’d first woken here, all he could think about was Harry Hart and how to get rid of him. Now, without Hydra constantly in his ear, he’s struggling to remember why he’d ever cared so much.

Hydra had always told him that killing was all he was good for. That if he was just a good little soldier for them and he followed orders, he’d be happy. They’d told him all sort of horrible things. That no one cared about him, that all he had in the world was Hydra and his mission, that the twenty five years of his life he couldn’t remember were irrelevant because he’d been nothing and his life hadn’t truly started until they’d found him. He’d believed that for the year and a half he’d been there. When he’d woken up in that Kingsman hospital room, it was all he’d been thinking. Hydra was his family, it was all he knew. He may have failed them, but they’d still come get him. He’d been sure of it. But now it’s been a week and a half and there’s still no sign of Hydra coming back for him. They’ve just left him.

They’d told him that nobody else in the world cared about him, but now, that’s hard to believe after seeing everyone at Kingsman fighting so hard to get him back. Against his better judgement, Eggsy starts telling Roxy the answers to everything they’ve been asking since he first got to Kingsman HQ.

“I thought they’d come back for me. I always wanted to know ‘bout all the years I can’t remember, but they always said it didn’t matter none, ‘cause I didn’t have no life an’ I didn’t have nobody that cared. They said nothin’ an’ nobody mattered but them, ‘cause they rescued me. I… I believed them. So, I thought… I thought since they’d lost me, they’d come back an’ get me. But…” Eggsy trails off, shaking his head.

“Oh, Eggsy,” Roxy hesitates before she throws her arms around him and pulls him into a hug.

Eggsy’s horribly startled by it. He knows what hugs are. He’s seen plenty of them and he may have forgotten all the details of his life before Hydra, but it’s not as though he’s stupid. He knows what a hug is. Still, for the life of him, Eggsy can’t remember ever have receiving one. Certainly not in his time at Hydra and that’s just about all of his life he can remember. He’s not sure what to do, so he settles on awkwardly wrapping his arms around her as well and giving her back a few pats.

“We care about you, Eggsy,” Roxy tells him, pulling back to look at him. “So, so much. I know you don’t remember us yet and you don’t have any reason to trust us, but you have to believe us. Please. Why don’t we go back to your room and you can tell me some more about the past two years for you? As much as you’re comfortable with.”

It couldn’t hurt. After all, Eggsy had only been holding back information for Hydra’s sake and they’ve already proven that they don’t care about him. He nods. “All right. I’ll tell you,”

They stay outside a while longer, for JB’s sake, but they’re both itching to get back inside. Eggsy is eager to get the weight off his chest and Roxy wants to know everything Eggsy is willing to share. And there’s a lot Eggsy’s willing to share. Being away from Hydra had made him realize how very little he actually cares about their cause and their fates. Why should he? They’ve done nothing but hurt him for the last two years. He can see that now.

Eggsy even consents to Merlin and Harry coming down to his hospital room so he can answer questions for them as well. As they go down, he notices that he’s not even following Roxy around the manor like he usually does to avoid getting lost through the winding halls. He’s not thinking about it and his feet are just taking him there of his own accord. Vaguely, Eggsy can almost remember making this walk before. The more he frees his mind of Hydra, the more odd pieces of memories come back to him. It’s eerie. He almost feels like he’s an actor, stepping into some role for a play. He certainly doesn’t feel like himself, but deep down he knows that it’s the last two years that have been an actor’s role. He is simply shedding his skin and returning to himself. He’s almost sure of that now, though the uncertainty of _who_ he’s becoming doesn’t sit well with him.

Harry and Merlin are already downstairs, waiting by Eggsy’s bedside. They both look as cautious as they always do around Eggsy, though there’s a tinge more hope now. Eggsy lets JB off his leash and sits back down at his hospital bed. He runs his fingers through his hair nervously and is struck by how odd he feels with long hair. He seems to recall being much fonder of cropped, military hairstyles in the life he’s starting to remember.

Eggsy gets the vague feeling that he’s been in this exact same position (sitting in a hospital bed with Roxy, Merlin, and Harry at his side) several times before and he looks over at Merlin questioningly. “Were you like… my boss or somethin’? ‘Cause I think I remember you yellin’ at me a lot.”

“Yes, lad, something like that,” Merlin laughs, nodding. Usually he’ll argue that he doesn’t yell, he just has a loud tone of voice, but he’s too happy that Eggsy seems to be getting better. “I wouldn’t have had to yell if you weren’t always getting into trouble.”

Eggsy smiles and feels his heart warm like they’re sharing some old, inside joke. He can’t really remember anything yet, not specific scenes or memories, anyway, but he’s starting to get feelings. Like how he looks at Merlin and it’s like seeing an old mate, one who he’d gotten into plenty of friendly bickering over the years. Or how he looks at Roxy and he gets this strange feeling like he can tell her anything in the world and she’ll be at his side to support him. Eggsy gives Roxy a lopsided grin, “I think I believe you about us bein’ best friends. I don’t… really remember anythin’ we did together, but I can feel it.”

Roxy smiles proudly and nods. “We were inseparable. And we will be again. I’ll help you remember the rest of it,” she promises.

Harry looks at him expectantly, but Eggsy still can’t remember anything about him. He shrugs apologetically. “Sorry, Hart. Nothing. Don’t wanna kill you no more, though, that’s better, innit?”

Harry lets out a long sigh and scoops JB up onto his lap to pet his ears. “It’s better, yes. Let’s just get down to business. You said you’d tell us about Hydra?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy nods. He couldn’t be more eager to help bring down the bastards who had stolen two years of his life and his left arm. He’s never particularly missed his arm, because he can’t really remember a time before it, but now he’s a bit resentful every time JB sniffs at it in confusion. “Their headquarters, the ones I was always taken to anyway, are underneath some abandoned army base in the tundra somewhere. A Northern country, I think? I’m sorry I ain’t much help, I never got myself there. Should narrow it down some, yeh? I can write up a report ‘bout my superiors, if you want?”

Merlin nods, pulling out his tablet already to look for possible locations. “It’s much better than what we knew before. And I suppose they had some sort of agenda?”

Eggsy nods and starts to answer, before he has to stop simply because… he’s not really sure. He followed orders. He never really asked questions. “I jus’… killed people for them. Sorry, bruv, don’t know much. Jus’ generic world domination or some shit, I guess? They had codes an’ stuff like ‘ _Hail Hydra’_ an’ if some witness at an assassination said it, I didn’t hafta kill ‘em. There were loads of people, too. All over the place. Not jus’ England or Europe.”

“It’s all right, Eggsy. That’s more information than we were working with before,” Harry assures him, giving him a kind smile that soothes all of Eggsy’s insecurity that he couldn’t provide an adequate answer. “How about your arm? And all the genetic tinkering your blood tests show? Why don’t you tell us about those?”

“I… don’t really wanna talk ‘bout that right now… Don’t know much ‘bout it, anyway.”

“Of course, Eggsy. We needn’t talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Harry assures him, reaching over to lay a comforting hand on his knee.

“Thanks, bruv,” Eggsy says, looking down at Harry’s hand on his knees. “It’s jus’ this hospital room, you know? I know why I gotta stay here an’ all, but fuck, it’s a bit depressing, innit?”

“Well… You can move back in with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so sorry that I didn't update yesterday like scheduled. My computer is having problems, so if I miss updates, that's why. Hopefully, it'll be fixed soon. I hope you enjoyed it though, despite the delay!


	9. Gasoline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy moves in with Harry and finally remembers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _And all the people say_  
>  _"You can't wake up, this is not a dream_  
>  _You're part of a machine, you are not a human being_  
>  _With your face all made up, living on a screen_  
>  _Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline"_  
>  \- Gasoline, Halsey  
> (The formatting in this chapter is a little weird and I'm so, so sorry about that. I'll go back and fix that as soon as possible!)

The protests are immediate. Merlin and Roxy both start arguing all the reasons why he can’t take Eggsy home, the former even jumping up out of his chair. They’re both shouting over one another and Harry is shouting right back, so Eggsy can hardly distinguish their arguments from one another. Eggsy frowns in discomfort at all the yelling. His head had already been tingling from all the memories pushing their way back in and none of this shouting is agreeing very well with him. He rubs at his temple and glares at the three of them.  
“Will you all jus’ sit down and discuss this like normal fuckin’ human beings? Jesus! Don’t even wanna leave the fuckin’ hospital room no more. Not if you three are gonna be yellin’ like that,” Eggsy grumbles, scowling.  
Harry immediately sits at his bedside to fuss over him when he sees Eggsy rubbing at his head. “I’m sorry, Eggsy. I didn’t mean to start yelling. Is your head all right?” he asks, brushing aside some hair to rub Eggsy’s forehead gently.  
Eggsy finds himself reveling in the touches. He’s not sure what to make of that and he sheepishly pulls away. “I’m fine, Hart. Jus’ don’t think all the arguin’ is necessary. I’ll stay here. I don’t care. I was jus’ makin’ a comment earlier, that’s all.”  
“You needn’t stay here when you can just come home with me,” Harry insists, shaking his head.  
“It’s not safe, Harry,” Merlin objects. He gives Eggsy an apologetic glance before continuing, “He’s doing all right now, but we don’t know if this is the Eggsy that’s here to stay. He could easily turn violent at any moment. Or simply be acting to gain our trust. No offense, lad.”  
Eggsy shrugs. “None taken, bruv. I wouldn’t trust me neither.”  
“I trust him, though,” Harry insists. “Send one of the knights to stay with us and monitor him if it makes you feel better, but I trust him and he’s better off at home where he belongs than here in a hospital room. It might even help him remember if he’s in a familiar setting. And, Merlin, need I remind you that as Arthur and as his spouse, I get to override any decision you decide to make?”  
“Harry…”  
“I can do it,” Roxy offers after a moment. She has to agree with Harry about taking Eggsy back to a familiar setting. He’d already started remembering from just seeing JB and going on walks with her. Who knew how much going back home would help? “I can stay at Harry’s place for a few weeks. Keep an eye on Eggsy until he’s better. Harry’s right. It could help.”  
Merlin relents. “Fine. I’ll arrange the release papers,”  
  
  
                                                                                                                                 ----  
  
Eggsy moves back into Harry’s home by the next day. His dreams the night before had been a mess of foggy memories that had left his head throbbing for most of the morning. He feels almost instantly better when they pull up at Harry’s home. He doesn’t remember anything, but he’s at ease here. He feels safe, though he can’t quite place his finger on why.  
He steps out of the car slowly and takes a moment to just feel. It’s a posh house on a posh street and Eggsy can practically smell the money. There’s a twinge of uncomfortableness at that, a familiar twinge. The neighbor to their left is blasting a soap opera loud enough that Eggsy can hear it perfectly and he gets the feeling he would have been able to hear it even if his hearing hadn’t been refined in his time at Hydra. In fact, he gets the feeling that hearing soap operas from the neighbor’s house was a normal occurrence in his life. He remembers it with fond annoyance. JB races past him to go scratch at the door to be let in and it all feels familiar to him. While he can’t remember any of it, it seems his body does, because his legs carry him up the steps and to the door and he reaches into his pocket for the house keys, only to pause in confusion when he finds nothing.  
Eggsy blinks a few time and steps back to let Harry open the door. “Sorry, I… Dunno what that was. Sometimes… I jus’ do things I can’t remember on autopilot. It’s weird,” he mumbles apologetically, stepping in after JB.  
Harry and Roxy come up after him and open up for him. Eggsy can hear them waving away his apologies, but he’s not listening. He’s too busy looking about the house.  It’s all familiar, but Eggsy can’t remember any of it. It’s a feeling he’s grown accustomed to these last few days and he hates it. It’s like painfully long, drawn-out déjà vu. He just wants to remember it all once and for all. He’s sick and tired of not knowing who he is. Eggsy had enough of that with Hydra.  
“Eggsy?” Harry lays a hand on his shoulder, startling Eggsy out of his thoughts. “Are you all right? I can imagine this is all very hard for you. Go sit. I’ll make some tea for us.”  
Eggsy nods dumbly and lets his feet take him towards the living room. He’s already learned to trust where they take him. His muscle memory takes him to a sofa and he sits down with a sigh. More forgotten familiarity. He gets a vague memory from here, of sitting and drinking tea and watching… some sort of musical? It raises more questions than it answers.   
Roxy comes in and sits down next to him. She knows him better than he knows himself and Eggsy’s incredibly grateful for it. Right now, he just needs a comforting presence at his side to get him through the confusion he’s feeling, not someone talking and asking a million questions about what he remembers or if he’s okay or not. Eggsy actually finds himself regretting having ever tried to hurt her. She’s been something like an anchor to him, providing some much needed comfort and support. She’s not overbearing as well, which Harry tends to be at times. Eggsy knows he means well, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to deal with.  
Harry comes back with tea for the three of them. Eggsy mumbles his thanks and takes his mug. It’s a hideous thing, with pugs emblazoned along it and ‘I didn’t choose the pug life, the pug life chose me’ wrapped around the bottom of it. The weight of it is comfortable in his hands, though, and it feels like home. Harry stares anxiously at him as he takes his first sip and Eggsy realizes that he’s waiting to see if the milk and sugar is right. Eggsy gets a feeling that Harry’s made him a lot of tea in the past.  
“It’s perfect, Hart, don’t worry,” Eggsy assures him, having another drink. It’s sweeter than Eggsy would have made it, but it’s perfect. It seems Harry is someone else who knows him better than he knows himself.  
Harry breathes out a sigh of relief and nods. “Good, good. I was afraid you might have changed how you take your tea. How are you feeling? Not too overwhelmed? I hope coming home has been as good for you as we guessed it would and not counterproductive.”  
And there goes Harry with his endless questions again. Eggsy lets out a tired sigh. “I’m fine, Hart. Just as fine as I was when you asked two minutes ago and just as fine as I will be when you ask again in another two minutes.”  
“I’m sorry, I’m just worried. This is a lot going on. I only ask a lot of questions because I care,” Harry defends.  
Roxy jumps in before Eggsy can get annoyed and start an argument. He’s much quicker to fight these days. “Harry just gets a bit rambly when he’s nervous. He’ll stop now, won’t you, Harry?” Roxy gives him a hard look that would make anyone crumble and agree with her.  
Harry nods in agreement. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you, Eggsy.”  
“Now that you’ve promised not to ask question after question, can we work on not apologizing?” Eggsy asks, feeling a little frustrated. This is all hard enough to process and manage on his own, he doesn’t need any guilt added on by Harry.  
“Of course,” Harry mumbles nodding. He finishes his tea quickly and stands back up. “I’ll get started on dinner. You and Roxanne are free to watch some television if you wish,” he offers before going off to the kitchen.  
They don’t watch television. They don’t do much of anything, really. They sit there in silence until Harry calls that dinner is ready and then they move to the dining room to eat dinner in the same silence. Eggsy is glad that Roxy and he can have comfortable silences because with Harry? They’re awkward as fuck. Harry shifts and glances about and clears his throat, all the while making weak attempts at starting conversation. Eggsy tries to sympathize with him, but more than anything, he’s just annoyed. This is hard for him as well and Harry’s only making it harder. By the time they retreat to bed – Harry in the master bedroom, Roxy on the couch, and Eggsy in the guest bedroom – Eggsy has managed to spend the rest of the evening in silence, just sitting and trying to make sense of his surroundings. He’s no closer to remembering himself now than he was when he’d arrived to Harry’s house.  
  
  
                                                                                                                                   ----  
  
Eggsy wakes to an arm wrapped around his neck and a hand pressed to his mouth. He tries to struggle and yell, but the arm tightens around his neck to cease his struggling and his shouts are muffled by the hand. Eggsy feels the chill of the London night in the room and he suspects some unlocked window is the reason behind his violent awakening. His eyes take just a moment to adjust to the darkness and he looks up at his assailant. He should have expected this, but still, his heart plummets. He knows this man. Knows him very well. Another Hydra assassin, his second in command who’d only gone by the codename Second. Sent to kill him, no doubt. Eggsy’s only regret is that he has to drag Harry and Roxy down with him.  
Second drags him to sit up, still squeezing dangerously tightly around Eggsy’s neck. “Gary, Gary, Gary. Thought you could run from us? Fucking traitor,” he spits in Eggsy’s ear. “You belong to us. You understand that, Gary? You’re nothing but a peg in our machine. These people have just been feeding you lies to confuse you. You’re not a human like them. You’re part of a machine, Gary. Our machine. You know that, don’t you? Somewhere in between those fucked up little dreams your head’s been coming up with?”  
Eggsy’s head is throbbing. He can hardly stand it. He sees and hears and feels everything through a foggy haze. Second is still muttering in his ear and his words echo in Eggsy’s head. He’s consumed by them. Fast as lightning, Eggsy can feel Eggsy slip away. The few threads of humanity he’d been clinging to, the vague memories he’d been recollecting. They slip from his grasp until all that is left is Gary. All that is left is his desire to follow orders and right now, his orders are to kill Harry Hart.  
“Go on,” Second murmurs, pressing a gun into Gary’s hand. “Be a good boy for us and get rid of Hart for us. If you’re lucky, you won’t be coming back home in a body bag. I’ll handle the girl.”  
His head hasn’t quite caught up, but he walks over towards Harry’s bedroom. It’s the same thoughtless instinct that had always carried Gary through his missions. Second heads downstairs behind him and Gary hears a ruckus from the living room a few moments later. He ignores it in favor of creeping into Harry’s room. His gun feels heavier than usual. All of him feels heavier than usual, some invisible burden weighing down his heart. Gary can see Harry asleep in his bed and he goes forth quietly. He clicks off the safety, cocks his gun.  
The crashing about and shouting continues downstairs, but Gary ignores it. His focus is solely on Harry Hart and on executing his mission. He has an easy chance right now. The exhaustion seems to have caught up to Harry and he’s fast asleep. Gary could easily press his gun to his temple and kill him all before Harry even wakes to realize what’s happening. But there’s hesitation Gary doesn’t understand and instead of just doing the deed, Gary shakes him awake roughly.  
“Up, Hart. I like men to die on their feet,” Gary barks out, keeping his gun aimed at Harry should the man get any ideas about trying to fight back.  
That’s a lie. Truly, Gary doesn’t play fair. If he can catch someone off guard or kill them in their sleep, he jumps at the chance. But he just can’t bring himself to do the same to Harry. It’s the same reluctance and guilt he’d felt fighting against the girl. He’ll execute his mission – Second will kill him on the spot if he doesn’t – but he’ll give Harry a chance.  
Harry wakes as suddenly as if someone had doused a bucketful of ice water on him. He looks up towards him and Gary doesn’t see the anger and fear he’d expected. Harry just looks sad instead. He sits up and stands, holding his hands out in front of him, looking like he’s about to try to calm down a wild animal.  
“Eggsy… You don’t need to do this,” Harry says softly, taking a careful step towards him.  
“Don’t call me that! You’re not my friend. You’re my target,” Gary insists, glaring at him and moving his finger down to the trigger. In the back of his head, Gary realizes that the noise downstairs has stopped. He’s almost disappointed. He’d expected the girl to put up more a fight.  
Harry casts a careful glance towards the door. He continues in a soothing voice, “You know that’s not true, Eggsy. You were just remembering. We’re your friends, Eggsy. You needn’t go back to your old bosses, you can stay here with us. We’ll keep you safe, I swear it.”  
There’s frantic footsteps coming up the stairs and Gary recognizes them as the girl’s, not Second’s. The door to Harry’s room gets thrown open and the lights are turned on. Gary doesn’t need to look to know that it’s the girl who’s come in to stop him. It’s now or never. He aims his gun down at Harry’s torso, curls his finger around the trigger, and squeezes.  
When the bang of the gun rings in his ears, it’s Eggsy that takes a step back. Not Gary. It’s Eggsy who looks absolutely horrified. Not Gary. It’s Eggsy who realizes he’s just shot the man he loves more than life itself. Roxy is yelling something, but Eggsy can’t comprehend it. His world has narrowed down to Harry. Harry and the gun in his own hand and the blood pooling around Harry after the man crumples down to the floor. Eggsy looks between his gun and Harry in horror as realization settles deep in his gut. He wants to scream and cry and protest but when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out but a single, broken whisper.  
“Harry…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes another cliffhanger! Hopefully this Thursday's update won't be delayed! :P Hope you guys have been enjoying it so far. This actually wasn't in my original outline it just... happened. So I'm interested to know what you guys think and if it's as fun to read as it was to write :)


	10. I'm a Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy remembers himself and takes a moment to just relish the company he's in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Oh I'm a mess right now_  
>  _Inside out_  
>  _Searching for a sweet surrender_  
>  _But this is not the end_  
>  \- I'm a Mess, Ed Sheeran

Roxy ignores Eggsy in favor of kneeling down by Harry’s side as she frantically calls for a Kingsman ambulance to stabilize him and take him to Medical. Harry’s cursing up a storm as he puts pressure on the wound with a shaky hand. Eggsy’s paralyzed by horror and guilt for a few moments before he clicks the safety back on the gun and tosses it aside like it’s burnt him. A sob bubbles in his chest, but Eggsy forces it aside. Harry’s the one who’s just been shot. He should be worried about Harry, not feeling guilty about himself.

It’s hard to, though, when his heart feels like it’s tearing itself apart. He doesn’t remember everything, but he remembers enough. Most of his life is still a fogged up mess, but he doesn’t need to remember all the details to know that he loves Harry and doesn’t want to lose him. If Harry dies by his own hand, Eggsy doesn’t know how he’ll go on. The sob he’s been holding back works its way out and Eggsy drops down to his knees by Harry.

“Harry! Fuck, Harry, I’m so sorry,” he cries, shaking as he tugs his shirt off and presses it against the wound to still some of the bleeding.

“Darling boy…” Harry looks up at him with a pained smile. “What horrible circumstances we’ve been brought back together by.”

“You’ll be okay, Harry,” Eggsy murmurs. He refuses to believe any outcome where Harry isn’t okay. He can’t lose Harry just after he’s gotten him back.

“If you think for even a second that I’m going to leave you just after I got you back home, the last two years have clearly distorted your image of me,” Harry tries to lean up to kiss his cheek, but stops halfway through with a pained cry.

“Don’t move so much, Harry. Just stay put until the medical team gets here,” Roxy chides. She looks over at Eggsy nervously.

Eggsy can understand what she’s worried about. That he’s faking and he’ll just lash out and hurt them again. Eggsy tries to shuffle backwards to give them space and make Roxy more comfortable, but Harry wraps an arm around his leg to keep him in place. Eggsy nearly weeps at how weak Harry’s grip is. “It’s all right, Haz. I’m right here. I ain’t leavin’ nowhere,” he promises.

Eggsy’s not sure how much time passes with the three of them on the floor, surrounded by Harry’s blood. He’s only dimly aware of his surroundings. Eggsy’s more concerned with trying to keep himself from panicking or from letting the guilt overwhelm him. The last thing he wants is Harry’s blood on his hands. He spends the entire wait mumbling soothing promises to Harry and willing the time to go faster. He doesn’t let himself cry because Harry needs him to be strong, to be there for him. Once Kingsman’s medical team has come and driven Harry off, though?

Eggsy just breaks down into sobs.

Harry has gone off on his own to speed his admission to the OR at HQ, so Roxy’s there by his side when his strength crumbles. She wraps an arm around his shoulders and gives him a soothing squeeze. “He’ll be all right, Eggsy,” she assures him. “He won’t blame you for this. He knows _you’d_ never hurt him.”

“I did, though. Fuck. What if he dies, Rox?” Eggsy moves to sob on Roxy’s shoulder. “I jus’ wanna move on from these last two years. I wanna go home an’ pretend nothin’ ever happened. But it ain’t home without Harry.”

“I know. It fine. Here’s what we’re going to do, Eggsy: We’re going to get up off this mess and clean all this off. Then we’ll both get dressed and go down to Medical so we can be there to greet Harry when he comes out of the operating room all fine and healthy. And between Harry, Merlin, and I, we’ll get every last trace of these two years out of you until you’re back to the same Eggsy as always. It’ll all work out, you’ll see,” Roxy assures him. She’s speaking to him like one would speak to a toddler, but it’s just what Eggsy needs right now. Steady guidance and confident reassurance.

Eggsy nods and wipes away a few tears. He gets up with Roxy’s help and she leads them both to the bathroom. Despite the two year hiatus, they’ve been friends for long enough that neither of them holds any qualms about undressing in front of the other and they make quick work of their stained clothing and the blood on their bodies. When he has to get dressed again, Eggsy rifles through his old drawers and is amazed to find that Harry’s left his old clothing there. He puts on a well-worn pair of jeans and a polo, topped off with one of his hideously flashy jackets. It’s the first time in a long time that he’s felt truly at ease with his skin. That is, if he could ignore the fact that he’s just shot his husband.

When they’re both dressed, they head out. Roxy steps over Second’s dead body when they cross the living room and if Eggsy perhaps steps on the man as he walks by, it’s purely accidental of course. There’s a Kingsman cab waiting for them outside and it drives them to the tailor shop. As they descend down and take the bullet train back to HQ, Eggsy’s filled with a strange sense of calm. Harry’s hurt, yes, and that’s tearing apart at his soul, but he can finally recognize the familiarity of his surroundings. The haze is beginning to clear and although there’s a long way to go, it fills him with the sense that everything’s going to okay.

 

 

\----

 

 

The original intentions had been to bring Merlin down and run some psych tests on Eggsy. That plan had been tossed aside when Eggsy had collapsed down on a chair by Harry’s bedside and fallen right to sleep. Neither Merlin nor Roxy had the heart to wake him.

Roxy sat down at the other side of Harry’s bed – still empty as they waited for Harry to leave the OR – and Merlin stood in a corner of the room, fiddling on his tablet as he updated the files to include all the evening’s events. There was tense silence for a while as they mulled everything over and worried about Harry.

“He was rather shaken up about this, no?” Merlin asks after the silence is proving to be impossible to deal with. “You were there. Do you reckon it could be another act?”

Roxy shakes her head without a second thought. “I don’t think he was acting. I think that Hydra agent managed to get into his head somehow. He was getting better before. Genuinely. And he only seemed to recede for a few minutes. He was appalled at what he did. I could see it in his eyes, Merlin, I swear.”

“I believe you, lass. I do. This is a difficult situation, though,” Merlin sighs. “This isn’t exactly a standard part of training for the Merlin position. I won’t try to lock him up again, though. Harry would never allow it, though. We’ll need to come up with something to figure out how we’ll manage the risks. We’ll have to check all the houses to reinforce them, to begin with. I’m not at ease knowing Hydra managed to break in.”

“Of course. Harry will probably want to brainstorm ideas for taking care of Eggsy,” Roxy says. Harry would probably throw a fit if they tried to implement some sort of plan without his input. “Have you messaged off-duty agents, yet? To let them know, at least, about Harry’s house being broken into? Better they get extra cautious and don’t need it than risk another agent being hurt.”

Merlin nods, typing something up on his tablet. “I’ve just messaged them,” he assures her. Merlin checks something else and lets out a relieved sigh. “Harry’s out of the operating room and on his way down. They’ve stabilized him. Wasn’t a very good shot, apparently. Only just barely grazed his lung. He’ll be just fine.”

Roxy nods and casts a brief glance at Eggsy, still fast asleep. “I don’t think it was a bad shot. It was probably just perfect. Eggsy doesn’t miss, Merlin. Even through that brainwashing, he’s still Eggsy and Eggsy could never hurt someone he loves. I don’t think he was aiming to kill at all.”

“I hope you’re right.” Merlin nods. “I know you say he’s better, but… I hope you’re right. And I hope he’s here to stay this time.”

Some of the nurses wheel Harry in and transfer him over to the hospital bed. It hurts to see Harry unconscious and connected to wires again, but he looks as good as someone who’s just been shot can look. They have to be grateful for the little things in their line of career. Eggsy _maybe_ remembering and coming back to them. Harry being as okay as he can be. Things aren’t great, but they’re about as good as they can be.

Roxy and Merlin provide quiet companionship to one another as they finish some work and wait for either Eggsy or Harry to wake up. It’s Eggsy who wakes up first. He wakes suddenly, like agents on a mission. One moment he’s drooling onto the plastic backing of the chair, the next he’s wide awake and sitting at attention. It takes him a moment to see that he’s safe and fine and not in any sort of danger. His shoulders sag and he takes a breath as he realizes, visibly relaxing. Eggsy frowns when he catches sight of Harry, completely ignoring Roxy and Merlin in favor of moving his chair closer to Harry.

Merlin has a moment of worry and he considers pulling Eggsy away from Harry as a precaution, but he simply can’t bring himself to do it. Eggsy carefully brushes away a stray curl from Harry’s forehead and lays a gentle hand on the man’s cheek. His touches are almost reverent and they’re all done with tedious care. It’s as if Eggsy’s afraid that just touching him too hard will hurt him again. It’s the same nauseatingly sweet love the two had held for each other before Eggsy had been presumed dead. Looking at the two, there’s nothing to even hint that it was Eggsy who had placed Harry in this hospital bed.

After a minute, Eggsy looks up and asks, “Will he be okay?” There’s fear tinged in his voice and in his eyes. Even after two years of not remembering Harry, Eggsy still loves him with all his heart. He would never be able to live with himself if he was responsible for Harry’s passing.

Roxy’s heart just about breaks at the pure heartbreak and pain in Eggsy’s voice. She can’t imagine how hard this has been on him, even before Harry was hurt. She reaches across the bed to squeeze his shoulder and nods. “Harry’s going to be just fine, Eggsy.”

“Better than before, even. He’s missed you terribly, lad,” Merlin adds. “He’ll be overjoyed to have you properly back. That alone is likely to get him recovering at an extraordinary pace. No doubt he’ll want to go back to living his life with you as soon as possible.”

Eggsy nods. “I couldn’t remember him, but my heart missed him. There was always somethin’ missing and I’ve found it again,” he murmurs, taking Harry’s hand and bringing it up to his lips to place a loving kiss on Harry’s knuckles. He looks up and gives them both a watery smile. “I’ve missed you guys too. Missed all of it. Missed everyone, missed the job, missed London. I jus’…. Missed _me_.”

“We’ve missed you too, lad. Like you wouldn’t believe.”

 

 

 

\----

 

 

Harry takes nearly twelve hours to wake up. Roxy had long since left to go back home and get some sleep and Merlin had moved to his office so he could monitor the hospital room from his computers while getting some work done. Eggsy, however, had refused to leave Harry’s bedside. He hasn’t eaten, hasn’t sleep, has barely moved. He’s too busy being worried about Harry’s well-being to do much. The nurses had tried to get him to move and take proper care of himself, but Eggsy’s having none of it. He won’t move from Harry’s side. Not until Harry’s better.

When Harry wakes up, Eggsy jumps up in his excitement. “Harry!” A sob escapes him as he leans down and hugs him, wary of not aggravating the bullet wound. He cries into Harry’s shoulder and just takes a moment to relish that they’re together again and that Harry will be okay.

“Eggsy, my darling boy,” Harry breathes out. He seems to be fighting a few tears of his own, and not from the pain of his wound. With a soft groan, he leans up to kiss the top of his head. “Do I have you back? Truly?”

“Shush, Harry, stay layin’ back. You’ll hurt yourself,” Eggsy murmurs, coaxing him back down. He smiles tearily and nods. “It’s really me. I remember stuff now, Harry. I remember how much I love you. And I’m so, so sorry for hurtin’ you. I’d have never done it if I’d been in the right mind. I love you so much, bruv. Ain’t ever gonna hurt you again.”

Harry tucks Eggsy up against his non-injured side and kisses the top of his head. “I know, darling boy. We’ll get you better, don’t worry,” he murmurs.

Eggsy curls up against Harry and nods. He’s still crying, his tears soaking through Harry’s pyjamas. This is painfully frustrating, remembering but not and wanting to just be home with Harry but being so terrified that he’ll break again and hurt Harry. Eggsy just wants to get better and start over, as if the last two years had never happened. That’s impossible, he knows, but Eggsy holds onto it as a pipe dream.

Right now, he doesn’t need to focus on anything but Harry’s arms around him. He doesn’t need to worry about Hydra or Kingsman or anything in between. All there is to worry about is Harry and getting him better and just laying here with him until he does. There’s still confusion where memories should be, but at least now he gets to be confused in Harry’s arms. That’s enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I should nearly kill off characters more often if all the comments I got last time are anything to go off of ;)


	11. Safe and Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy has a much awaited reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Just close your eyes_  
>  _The sun is going down_  
>  _You'll be alright_  
>  _No one can hurt you now_  
>  _Come morning light_  
>  _You and I'll be safe and sound_  
>  \- Safe and Sound, Taylor Swift

Eggsy absolutely refuses to leave Harry’s side. Not for a second. When Merlin comes down to discuss business with him, Eggsy’s right there, curled up against Harry. When Roxy comes down to wish him a speedy recovery, Eggsy remains in place. When the nurses come by to check on Harry, Eggsy moves only as much as he needs to for the nurses to check Harry over. Even when Harry’s asleep (which is quite often because even in the best case scenario, there’s a lot of sleep involved in healing a bullet wound) and everyone’s insisting that Eggsy gets some proper sleep in a bed of his own, he doesn’t budge. He’s been away from Harry for two years, he can handle a few lost hours of sleep if it means being near him. 

They haven’t actually done much talking when Harry’s awake. Mostly, they just hold one another and enjoy one another’s quiet company. It’s more than enough after so long without each other. Even when Harry’s asleep, he has an arm wrapped around Eggsy’s shoulders to hold him close. When Harry’s awake, they share chaste kisses and Harry runs his fingers through Eggsy’s hair and along his jaw gently. Harry lets his hand dip down to the nape of Eggsy’s neck, rubbing the skin there with his thumb. 

“I know you’ve started to remember, but is a lot still uncertain for you?” Harry asks, shifting as well as he can to look at Eggsy. 

Eggsy sighs. He hates to think about everything he can’t remember, it just makes him more frustrated and the more frustrated he is, the less he can remember. “Yeah… I jus’… I have a vague sense of it all, but I can’t remember nothin’ specific. It’s gettin’ better, though. It’s goin’ real slow, but better.” 

Harry nods, giving the back of Eggsy’s neck a reassuring squeeze. “That’s good. A far better situation than we were in even thirty-six hours ago. I’ve no doubt it’ll keep getting better.” 

They just cuddle for a while longer before Harry stops skirting around and approaches he subject he’s been wondering about for a few hours. Harry’s hand drifts down lower, dipping underneath Eggsy’s shirt collar. He runs his finger along Eggsy’s shoulder, where skin gives way to cold, harsh metal. Eggsy knows the questions were inevitable. 

“This… arm. How did it come to be? Was it lost in the fall down the Alps?” Harry asks, looking down at Eggsy with sad eyes. He’s always hated to see Eggsy hurt.

“It was… I lost it at the very beginnin’ of my time wit’ Hydra,” Eggsy explains. He trails off and stares at a corner of the wall. Harry strokes his hair in gentle encouragement until Eggsy feels comfortable enough to continue. “I’d never rat us out, Harry. Never. Even when I was brainwashed an’ all, I wouldn’t say fuck all ‘bout where Kingsman HQ is.”

“I know that, Eggsy,” Harry whispers soothingly, kissing his forehead. “You needn’t defend yourself to me. I trust you and I know you’d never do anything to hurt us on purpose. Just tell me what happened if you’re comfortable and if you’re not, tell me to bugger off and I’ll drop it. You’ll receive no judgement from me, I promise you that.” 

Eggsy nods. He’s quiet for a few moments before he resumes his story. “When they first took me in, they asked lots o’ shit. ‘Bout you, ‘bout HQ, ‘bout Kingsman. ‘Bout everythin’. An’ I didn’t say nothin’ of course. I ain’t a snitch. An’ I guess they’d watched some shitty spy movie or somethin’, ‘cause they went down the route of threatenin’ to amputate fingers and arms ‘til I grassed up. An’ then they went through wit’ it, but it didn’t change shit. There’s nothin’ I could have done to make me talk.” 

If Harry had looked sad before, he looks utterly broken now. “Oh, my boy,” he murmurs, pulling Eggsy close and giving him a tight hug, bullet wound be damned. “Whilst I am infinitely proud of you for not having given any of us up, I wish you hadn’t gotten hurt in the process. I am so, so sorry.”

“Harry, stop huggin’ me so much, you’ll tear at your stitches,” Eggsy mumbles, wiggling out of Harry’s grip and pushing him to lay back down. He does, however, lay his head down on Harry’s shoulder with a sigh. “It’s all right. I don’t really remember much o’ it. An’ I’d rather lose all my limbs than grass up Kingsman.” 

Harry wants to tell Eggsy that next time, he should just give up Kingsman’s secrets, but he knows that’s not an option. If Eggsy had snitched, they would have had to kill him and that’s far more painful than Eggsy coming home with one instead of two arms. He leans down and gives Eggsy a kiss. “The last two years had almost made me forget how brave you are, darling. Kingsman is fortunate to have you back.” 

“It’s good to be back, Harry. You’ve no idea,” Eggsy agreed, pressing a kiss to Harry’s shoulder and then let himself doze off in Harry’s arms. The only place he could truly feel safe and get well-rested. 

 

 

 

\----

 

 

It’s another two days before Eggsy remembers something important. His mother and Daisy. Fuck. He’d vaguely remembered his family, but it isn’t for a few days that he remembers names and faces and just how important they are to him. He hates himself for letting this whole incident with Harry distract him enough that he’s forgotten his family. He’s been out of Hydra’s hands and at Kingsman HQ for almost two weeks. He should have already at least informed his mother that he’s alive. 

Eggsy shakes Harry awake almost frantically. “Harry. Harry! Mum an’ Daisy. They don’t know I’m alive. Fuck, Harry, we need to tell ‘em.” 

Merlin had arranged for them to get a full sized bed in Harry’s hospital room instead of a twin, so Harry has room to stretch as much as his stitches will allow before he turns to Eggsy. “I’m sorry. I hadn’t mentioned them because I’d figure you remembered, but didn’t want to see them out of the risk that you might attempt to hurt them,” Harry admits.

Eggsy, well… He hadn’t thought of that. But now that he is thinking of it, he feels horrible. He knows it’s a very real risk, but fuck, he just wants to see his family. Is that so bad? Eggsy knows he won’t take any unnecessary risks of hurting his mum or Daisy, though. He lets out a long sigh. “Can’t we at least let them know I’m alive? I don’t want ‘em thinkin’ I’m dead no more. Daisy… She’s gotta be what? Six? Seven? Fuck, she probably don’t even remember me no more, Harry.” 

Harry hates to see Eggsy upset, but this isn’t the simplest of situations to manage. “Eggsy… This is a difficult spot we’re put in. Your mother was informed that you’d died in a car accident. Car accidents aren’t really known for victims walking off and being falsely declared dead for two years. When you go back… There’s going to be so many questions, there’s a very high risk of Kingsman confidentiality being broken.”

“Bruv, I lost a fuckin’ arm over Kingsman confidentiality. I think we’re fine,” Eggsy huffs. “An’ if you think for even a second that we ain’t tellin’ my mum I’m alive an’ we’re jus’ gonna let her keep thinkin’ I’m dead, than you musta forgotten lots about me over the last two years.” 

“No, Eggsy, I’m suggesting that we don’t tell your mother. Merely that… you have to give us a bit more time as we attempt to figure out what we’ll do about all this and how we’ll go about telling your mother,” Harry elaborates. 

“Harry, it’s been nearly two weeks since Roxy brought me here. You guys gotta have at least an idea ‘bout what you’re gonna do an’ how you’re gonna tell her. Kingsman agents think on their feet. Two weeks is more than enough time,” Eggsy insists. 

“Just give us another week. That’s all I ask. One more week to come up with how we’ll tell her.”

“Fuck no, bruv. Tomorrow at the latest. I ain’t keepin’ away from my mum an’ sis for a moment longer.” 

Which is how Roxy found herself sitting at Michelle Unwin’s dinner table, explaining to her what Kingsman really did and breaking Kingsman protocol regarding family members for the first time since the organization’s founding. It’s truly amazing how much Eggsy’s pouting and puppy eyes can achieve. It doesn’t hurt that Harry had absolutely adored spoiling Daisy and the sooner Eggsy’s reacquainted with his family, the sooner Harry can go back to spoiling Daisy. That doesn’t make Roxy’s job any easier, though. Eggsy had picked her to be the one to ease his mother into this because she was Michelle’s favorite of Eggsy’s friends at Kingsman. Plus, none of them had thought it a good idea for Eggsy to just show up out of the blue. It doesn’t matter how much Michelle likes Roxy or not, though. Telling someone that their son’s a spy and their late husband had died while training to be a spy… that’s not something that goes across very well, no matter who’s the bearer of the news. 

“Eggsy… Eggsy was a spy? An’ Lee died in trainin’? But… But… Eggsy was a tailor like you. An’ Lee was in the Marines. He wasn’t no spy,” Michelle insists, looking horribly at a loss as for how to take the news. There isn’t really a good way to take news like this. 

“He was, Ms. Unwin. Kingsman Tailor’s is merely a front. Like I explained, we’re spies. All of us. Eggsy, me, even Harry. We operate at the highest level of secrecy, which is why we weren’t able to tell you any of this beforehand,” Roxy explains apologetically. Another reason Eggsy had chosen to send her is because she has more patience than the rest of the table combined. 

Michelle shakes her head, still refusing to believe it. She’s having trouble wrapping her head around how outlandish this all is. “If what you’re sayin’ is true, Rox… I lost two men to Kingsman,” she reminds her. Her voice is soft and pained. “Ain’t that enough to warrant bein’ told what really happened?”

Roxy’s sincere as she apologizes. “We’re sorry. I’m afraid the rules aren’t lenient very often. Even in the case of casualties.”

“What’s changed then? Why you gotta come ‘round an’ reopen old wounds?” Michelle asks. She’s gone from disbelieving to angry and accusative. She doesn’t care if Kingsman was a tailor shop or an organization of spies. They could have been a circus, for all she cares. She’d lost her husband and her son to them and everything else is irrelevant as far as she’s concerned. 

“Well, that’s the thing, Ms. Unwin… Eggsy’s not dead. He was presumed dead because all the information we had pointed to that, but… he wasn’t. And he’s just come home and he’s starting to remember. We’ve brought him here to see you, but we figured there was some preface necessary before we could do that.”

“Eggsy’s alive? My baby boy… He’s alive?” Michelle nearly starts to sob at the hope that bubbles up in her chest. When Eggsy lets himself in, she really does start to cry. 

Eggsy had been waiting in the car, torn between excitement and anxiety. The wait while Roxy tried to explain to his mother had given him plenty of time to work himself up into a worry. It’s been so long and he still doesn’t remember everything. What if he doesn’t remember her as well as he thinks he does? What if she starts asking questions and he can’t answer, simply because he can’t remember? What if… A million what if’s. When Roxy sends him a message telling him to start heading upstairs, though, he can’t worry himself with any of those what if’s. He just steps inside and pulls his mother into a tight hug when she begins to cry. Roxy steps back to a corner of the room to give them some privacy. 

“Eggsy! Eggsy, babe, it’s really you,” she sobs, clinging to him. 

“Yeh, Mum. It’s really me.” Eggsy tightens his hold on her. He can already tell that they won’t let go of each other for a good, long while. “I ain’t dead, Mum. Ain’t left you, yet, an’ I won’t be leavin’ you for a real long time. I swear, Mum.” 

She looks up at him and cries as she reaches up to touch his cheek and then runs her fingers along Eggsy’s hair. “Your hair’s long. Don’t look half bad on ya. Oh, I wouldn’t care if you’d come back wit’ a pink Mohawk. I’m jus’ so happy you’re home!” 

“I’m happy too, Mum. You’ve got no idea. I’ve missed you so much.” That’s not exactly truth. He hadn’t missed her, because you can’t consciously miss someone you don’t remember. But it’s a small lie that helps the both of them, so Eggsy’s willing to excuse it away. 

Michelle grabs his hands and pauses when she only feels warm flesh on one. She looks down at his metal hand and takes a hold of his arm. She pushes up his sleeve to get a better look and looks absolutely appalled to see that the metal goes all the way up. “Babe, wha’ happened to you these last two years?” asks, looking up at him with fear. 

“Loads happened these last two years, Mum. Jus’ killed the Prime Minister last week, I did.” 

“You what?”

Eggsy sighs. They were only supposed to come and tell her about his being a spy. That was more than enough information to be sharing with a civilian. The plan was to leave everything about his time as the Winter Soldier as vague as possible. But now that his mother is actually asking and looking up at him with so much fear, well, Eggsy just can’t hold it back. He looks up and meets Roxy’s eye. She gives him a barely susceptible nod. So he sits his mother down and he tells her everything. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a new laptop!!! So yay :) I hope you enjoy this update. Get hyped for the next one. Daisy's in it!


	12. Jet Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy meets the new Galahad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When you’re a Jet,_   
>  _You’re a Jet all the way_   
>  _From your first cigarette_   
>  _To your last dyin’ day._
> 
> \- Jet Song, West Side Story  
> (I'm Puerto Rican so it's a necessity to have at least one song from West Side Story)

Eggsy thought he’d just about cried himself out these last few days with Harry. He’s proven incredibly wrong when his mother starts crying halfway through his story and he can’t help but tear up and shed a few tears as he hugs her close. Eggsy’s normally not so quick to tears, but fuck, after what he’s gone through, even the firmest of walls get broken down. Roxy can’t leave completely because part of their agreement is that she’d stay as a safety precaution, but she does go off to the nearby living room to give them a bit of space. Eggsy’s infinitely grateful for that. Harry’s a wonderful person to lean up against, but at the end of the day, Eggsy’s supporting Harry as well and the person that’s truly keeping him upright through this ordeal is Roxy. He can’t ask for a better best friend. 

When he and his mother are done crying on each other, Michelle takes to fretting over him and making him some tea. Eggsy’s eager to have a mug. His mother doesn’t make the best tea in the world, far from it. It’s always just a tad bit watery and his mother always puts too much sugar so it tastes more like hot sugar water than anything else, but fuck, it’s his mother’s tea and it’s been so long since he’s gotten to enjoy his mother’s tea. It’s one of the small comforts of life that he’d never truly appreciated before. 

“I’ll need to go pick your sis up at school in a bit. Oh, please tell me you’re stickin’ around long enough to see your sister?” Michelle asks, sitting across from him after she’s poured them both tea. Eggsy’s glad to taste that it’s just as watery as before. “You don’t even gotta tell her all you told me. She’s still little. Won’t even ask none ‘bout how you came back. Might jus’ ask more ‘bout your arm an’ hair.”

“Of course I’m stayin’ to see Daisy, Mum. I’ve missed her as much as I’ve missed you,” he tells her. Eggsy had made it perfectly clear at HQ that he wasn’t returning until he’d gotten a chance to see his baby sister again. 

Michelle tells him all about her last two years over tea until she has to leave to pick Daisy up at her school. She gives Eggsy a bone crushing hug that lingers for a few moments until she regretfully pulls away. Eggsy watches her go and tells her about how excited he is to see Daisy, but the second she’s gone, he dissolves into a pile of nerves. Two years is a long time. Especially for a little kid. She could very easily not remember him. Or remember him completely differently and be disappointed once she gets to spend time with him. Daisy has more than likely changed a lot in the two years and is probably a completely different little girl from the one Eggsy left behind. He’s gone over all the alternatives and panicked about all of them. Roxy wisely stays away for a few minutes and gives him time to mull everything over. 

Eggsy washes the two mugs along with everything in the sink, finding a small deal of comfort in the normalcy of washing dishes. It’s a routine task, one that he can do and focus on with very little thought. There aren’t enough dishes in the world to rid him of his nerves, though, and soon enough everything’s been washed and dried and put away. Eggsy has no choice but to step away and force himself to think about the situation at hand again. He goes out to the living room and drops down to sit next to Roxy on the couch. As he does, he spots some of Roxy’s toys scattered across the floor and is troubled to notice that he doesn’t recognize what movie or show they all seem to come from. That’s already starting things off on a bad foot.

“I don’t know why you’re so nervous, Eggsy,” Roxy comments, patting his knee reassuringly. “She adores you. She’ll be absolutely ecstatic that you’re back. Your biggest worry will be trying to keep from breaking any ribs with how hard she’s going to hug you.” 

“It’s been so long, Rox. I don’t even really know her no more. How disappointed do you reckon she’ll be when she realizes I ain’t really the big brother she was expectin’?” Eggsy scuffs his trainers against the carpet, sighing. 

“She’ll be so excited to have you back, she’s not going to care that you don’t know her favorite princess or her favorite bedtime story anymore,” Roxy says. “Just be you. That’s all she wants, Eggsy. It’s you.”

For the rest of the hour they’re waiting for Michelle to come back, Roxy gives Eggsy a crash course on everything popular among little kids at the moment. She’s as doting to her little cousins as Eggsy is to Daisy. Eggsy is once again reaffirmed in his choice of best friend. Eggsy can hear his mother’s car as it pulls up, as well as Daisy’s feet against the pavement as she runs up. It seems his mother has told her that he’s there, because she runs in and barrels straight at him. 

“Eggy!” Daisy cries out, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him with all the strength a six year old can muster. “Eggy, you’re back!”

Eggsy forgets all his worries as he hugs her back. Who cares if he can’t remember every new princess or the latest hit show on Disney Channel? He can learn all of that with time. All that matters right now is the little girl wrapped up in his arms. He loves her with all his heart and that’s enough. “I am back, Dais. An’ I ain’t ever leavin’ again. God, look how big you are! You’re almost as tall as Mummy,” he says, spinning her around. 

Daisy giggles, tugging at his hair. “It’s long now, Eggy! I can braid it an’ make you look pretty. Like a princess. Princess Eggy!” 

Eggsy is amazed at how she can just pick up where they left off two years ago, as though he hasn’t been gone and presumed dead for two years. He supposes it’s one of the wonders of being young. Nothing’s quite impossible for a kid at Daisy’s age so when her brother comes back from the dead, the biggest concern isn’t the why, it’s how quickly she can put a braid in his hair. “You can do whatever you want to my hair, Princess. And while you do, you can tell me all about…” he trails off, looking at Roxy for help. She mouths several kid shows and Eggsy just calls out the first one he can read off her lips. “Steven Universe?”

Daisy lets out an excited squeal. She wiggles out of Eggsy’s arms and runs to her bedroom. She comes back out with everything a little girl might need to make a braid. Eggsy even sees a bottle of glitter in her hands. He dutifully sits down for her and lets her do as she pleases to his hair. He even secretly enjoys it. Though he’ll enjoy anything he does with Daisy right now, he’s missed her so much. At the end of it, he feels far better about coming back to his sister after two years. Eggsy’s hair has been done up into a glittery waterfall braid (that he’ll proudly flaunt around HQ because it was made by his sister) and he’s been fully brought up to date with every episode of Steven Universe.

 

  
                                                                                                                           ---

 

  
On the drive back to HQ, Eggsy doesn’t stop gushing to Roxy for even a minute. He shows her the braid with great care even though she’d been there while Daisy was making it, he relays every detail about kid shows he’s just learned even though Roxy had been the first to give him a crash course in them, he tells her in vivid detail how cute everything she’d been wearing was even though Roxy had been right there with them. Eggsy knows he’s being silly, but he can’t help it. He’s just so happy to have seen his family again. He’s sure he’ll give Harry the same spiel when he sees him back at HQ.

He’s only just stopped talking about his brief visit with Daisy when their car pulls up at Kingsman Tailors. As they ride on the bullet train to the manor, Eggsy’s moved on to planning out the next time he’ll see her and all the fun things they’ll do together. Roxy would find it annoying if Eggsy didn’t look so adorable when he was all excited. At HQ, she drops him off in Harry’s office, so he can deal with all the gushing for a while.

Harry is, of course, more than eager to hear about it all. “She sounds absolutely adorable, just like I remember. I take it you enjoyed your time at your mother’s place?”

“Harry, it was amazin’,” Eggs says, nodding. “I felt almost normal again. Daisy’s still so little, y’know, so she ain’t even actin’ weird ‘round me. Jus’ sat me down an’ started talkin’ like we’d last met jus’ last weekend.”

Harry smiles and lets Eggsy tell him all about Daisy for a while longer before he’s forced to change the subject to some work at hand. He pulls up some coordinates on his desktop and shows Eggsy the satellite image. It’s of a long abandoned, rundown scientific research center in the middle of the Russian tundra. Or, presumed abandoned, is more like it. “We were able to narrow down our search for Hydra HQ based off the information you gave us. Merlin narrowed it down to these coordinates. Do they look familiar?”

Eggsy stares at it for a while. Other than his assassinations, he hadn’t seen much of the outside in his time at Hydra. He’d be restrained to his living quarters at HQ until he was needed and then he’d be flown out from an underground hangar and flown right back in once he’d done his job. He’d had the curiosity programmed out of him, so looking at where he resided wasn’t exactly anything he was concerned about. Once or twice, though, he’d seen the outsides of it. He has a vague idea as to what the surroundings of HQ looked like, but he has to stare at the image for a few moments to be sure. Once he’s absolutely positive – there’s no room for doubt in espionage – he nods. “Yes. That’s it. It’s an underground bunker, but that’s one of the entrances.”

“Wonderful,” Harry says. He types up a message to Merlin to confirm that they have a definite location to launch a mission against. “We’re setting up some a mission to gather intel, perhaps slip some poison to a key player or two, and then pass the information to the relevant countries. I’m sure they’d love to enact a raid against the people responsible for some of the most prominent assassinations in recent years. We have Lancelot and Galahad penciled in to go through with the mission.”

“I’m getting sent out to the field?” Eggsy asks before he can stop himself. 

Harry looks away awkwardly. “Um, no, Eggsy, that’s not who I mean by Galahad. It’d been two years, as I’m sure you’re more than aware of. And agents are usually replaced before the vacancy to the table reaches a year. So…”

“So, you replaced me,” Eggsy finishes. His voice holds no malice or resent, he’s just stating a fact. It makes sense. When he’d gotten his codename, Harry had only been thought dead for a week. If he’d stopped and thought for a moment, he would have come to the conclusion on his own. But of course, Eggsy doesn’t ever think, does he? He has his big stupid mouth and he’s always talking without thinking. 

“Eggsy…”

“No, Harry, it’s fine,” Eggsy interrupts, shaking his head. “I get it. I really do. I ain’t angry or nothin’. I jus’… hadn’t thought ‘bout it. So it’s weird to think ‘bout. It’s fine. Jus’ give me a second to get used to it.” 

“He’s a remarkable agent. Nothing like you, but I think the two of you would get along splendidly. If you’d like…” Harry hesitates for a moment, looking at Eggsy carefully. “I can add you to the roster for the mission? Even though you’re not technically codenamed.” 

Eggsy gapes at him in disbelief. “You mean that, Harry? Don’t you think… don’t you think it’s kind of dangerous?” After just a few seconds of thought, Eggsy can already think of about a billion reasons why that’s a stupid, dangerous idea. Despite knowing how reckless it is, Eggsy knows he’d do it in a heartbeat if Harry is really willing to send him out. He’s itching to get back out to the field. For a good cause this time around. 

“I trust you,” Harry says. “And should things go wary, Galahad and Lancelot will be there to make sure you don’t cock up the mission.”

“Fuck yeah I wanna go, Harry!” That’s just about all the convincing Eggsy needs. He’s closer to thirty than twenty, but he still has the impulse control of a twelve year old. 

“I’ll write you up here in the report. The three of you are due to head out tomorrow morning. Why don’t you go fetch Roxy? She can introduce you to Galahad,” Harry suggests. 

Eggsy nods and gets up. He leans across Harry’s desk to give him a kiss and then heads out of his office. Everyone at HQ has heard of his return, of course, and most had seen him in person at least once since he’d been allowed to leave the hospital room, but he still turns a few heads as he walks down. Eggsy doesn’t mind it too much, but he can’t wait for it to stop. Spies don’t like to be watched, even under innocent circumstances. 

He makes his way down to Roxy’s office and lets himself in. She’s sitting at her desk, looking over some paperwork on her computer. She immediately puts it aside, though, and gestures for Eggsy to sit down. In the reflection of her glasses, Eggsy notes that she’s reading through an email Harry sent. Presumably, the email he’s sent regarding the mission. He sits down across from her and gives her an easy smile. Excitement is already bubbling under his skin and it has him in a good mood. 

“Have you heard the news?” he asks, nodding towards her computer. “Harry sent me ‘cause he said you could introduce me to the new Galahad.”

“I have heard the news. Just read it,” she says. Eggsy can hear the slightest hint of worry in her voice. 

“It’ll be fine, Rox. Harry an’ I thought about it, but I’m fine now. An’ if I ain’t when we get there, you an’ Galahad can handle me jus’ fine.” Eggsy can’t blame her for worrying, but he wants to be trusted again and he knows he can do this mission just fine. It’ll be what he needs to prove himself trustworthy again. “So please? Jus’ introduce me to the new Galahad? I’m goin’ either way. Better I know who I’ll be wit’ from now.” 

Roxy sighs and nods. She knows there’s no point fighting this. Harry and Eggsy have already made up their minds and they’re just about the two most stubborn men in England. “Yeah, all right. He’s probably down at the gym.”

She stands up and gestures for Eggsy to follow as they go down to the gym. Eggsy follows along and can’t help but grin brightly as the get to the gym. It smells vaguely of sweat and scotch and gunpowder, there’s a thin layer of chalk along the floor, and while the rest of Kingsman is all shiny chrome and futuristic machines, the gym looks well used and like it could use an update or two. It’s absolutely perfect and Eggsy’s filled with fondness for it. There’s a young man he doesn’t recognize giving a punching bag hell and Eggsy assumes that’s the new Galahad. Roxy calls out for him and he looks over. He doesn’t look surprised to see Eggsy, like this meeting has been inevitable, really. He jogs over and takes off his headphones, letting them hang around his neck. 

“Hey! You must be Eggsy. I’ve heard loads about you,” he greets, holding his hand out. “I’m Galahad, though I suppose someone’s already told you that by now.”

Eggsy shakes his hand with a bit more force than is necessary. Is it petty to be jealous of the man who inherited his codename? Without a doubt, yes. Is that going to stop Eggsy? Not a chance. “Yeah, I’ve heard. I’m Eggsy, bruv. You?” 

“Galahad.” He gets stared at by both Roxy and Eggsy for half a minute before he realizes. “Oh! You mean like an actual name? I mean I’m sort of on the clock right now and we’re only meant to go by codenames when we’re on the clock and… you don’t really care. Right, um, Gus. I’m Gus.”

“Gus, huh?” Eggsy’s at least glad that the new Galahad has a name even worse than Gary. “Nice to meet you. If you were down here, guess you wasn’t checkin’ your email, was you? I’m goin’ wit’ you an’ Rox on your mission tomorrow. Thought I should meet you beforehand.” 

“You’re coming tomorrow? Oh. Isn’t that… dangerous?” Gus asks. He backtracks almost immediately. “Um, no offense. It’s just that… a week ago we had to handcuff you down to the bed to keep you from trying to kill people.” 

Eggsy frowns. “I think I’ll manage, bruv, thanks. You jus’ worry ‘bout yourself, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow mornin’, guv.” 

Eggsy turns on his heel and leaves off in a huff. Gus is just pointing out the truth, yes, but Eggsy’s never really liked being reminded of the truth. Especially not now. He just wants to go out and prove that he can be trusted and that he’s still the same Eggsy as always. The last thing he needs is to be doubting himself and that’s just what Gus is doing. Making him doubt himself. Eggsy can’t have that, lest the doubt grows enough for him to lose control of himself. So if he has to stomp out of the gym like an overly dramatic teenager to avoid that, then so be it. He’ll stomp out like the dramatic teenager he is at heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gus isn't actually that bad. Eggsy's just a jealous baby lmao
> 
> Happy Christmas Eve! I hope you're all having a wonderful time <3


	13. Heavy Crown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy goes on his first mission since returning. It turns out as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This heavy crown_   
>  _You can't always please the crowd_   
>  _But I am still not bowing down_   
>  _This heavy crown_   
>  _It comes and goes around_   
>  _And when it's time, I'll pass it proud_
> 
> \- Heavy Crown, Iggy Azalea

It takes an entire evening of Harry’s coddling to convince Eggsy not to hold a grudge against Gus. It’s not that Eggsy has anything against Gus personally, he just resents being reminded that he’s still dangerous. It’s the truth and he can’t blame Gus for pointing it out, but he can certainly pout and sulk about it. Harry convinces him to move past it, though, and by the time Eggsy’s suiting up to head out, he’s managed to stop acting like a sullen teenager. 

The last bit of Eggsy’s resentment is cast aside when he’s getting back into his suit. It’s the best feeling in the world to be suited up for Kingsman again. Eggsy had known he’d missed it, but he hadn’t realized just how much he’d been aching for it until he’s in bespoke and getting to the Kingsman hangar to leave for his mission. He gives Harry a kiss goodbye and promises to be home soon and then goes up into the plane. Roxy and Gus are already there, sitting on the couch and looking over files. Gus looks up at Eggsy anxiously, as though he expects to get yelled at any moment now. 

Eggsy sits down across from them. “Mornin’. Doin’ all right? Get some rest? Don’t want no one gettin’ hurt or nothin’.” 

It’s an easy mission with the information Eggsy’s feeding them. Merlin’s made some fake ID badges for Roxy and Gus to head in and scope out the place while Eggsy waits in the plane to provide guidance or warnings as they go through the headquarters. Still, the mission Eggsy had been captured in had been considered an easy mission as well, so they’re all in agreement that they’d rather be overly cautious than risk losing another agent, whether to brainwashing or death. 

“We’re both fine, Eggsy. It’s good to see you in your suit again,” Roxy remarks, smiling at him.

Eggsy nods, fiddling a little with his glasses. He’s not entirely used to having the weight on his face again, but it’s so much better than not having them on. He used to find having Merlin constantly in his ear unbearably creepy, but now it’s more soothing than anything. He’d missed his job. “It feels good to be in one again. I’d missed all of this, y’know? The job, the suit, the glasses.” 

“I can imagine. Harry’s so happy to have you back. And Merlin, though he’s too stubborn to admit it. All of us are happy that you’re back,” Roxy tells him, smiling. “You’re family, you know? Like an annoying little brother to most of us.”

“Oi! I’m older than you, Rox,” Eggsy reminds her, smiling. They’ve fallen into their old teasing easily since he’d remembered. It’s a part of his life he’d missed the most. Roxy’s like a sister to him and he doesn’t know where he’d be without her. “By more than a year, too. If anythin’, I’m your annoyin’ older brother. The over protective type.” 

“Technically speaking, yes, you’re older than me. But come on, Eggsy, we both know you’re secretly a seven year old,” Roxy insists. 

They both giggle like children, continuing their teasing back and forth for most of the plane ride. It’s amazing, really, all the old stories best friends can pull out of the corner of their memories when they’re teasing each other. Roxy doesn’t even remember when her poodle had apparently peed in the recruit dorms during training and Eggsy’s getting rather tired of remembering that he couldn’t tell apart pugs and bulldogs. Even as they reach the hour countdown to touching down, the time when nerves usually begin to grow, they’re still teasing one another. Gus is shifting about uncomfortably. 

He interrupts their reminiscing halfway through a story about a mission in Prague to ask, “Shouldn’t we call in Merlin to tell him we’re almost there? He might have some more information he wants to tell us.” 

“Hush, Galahad, we’ll call him in a second. Let me just finish this story,” Roxy says, waving him off. She normally would do her best to avoid being rude, but she knows the boy’s just jealous and she won’t coddle him. Besides, Eggsy’s just about to get to the good part that will have them in another fit of giggles and she can’t talk to Merlin like that. 

Eventually, they do talk to Merlin. Eggsy and Roxy are still chuckling and wiping away tears of mirth and Merlin just shakes his head knowingly. Everything is still the same and Eggsy sets himself up at the computers on the jet. He has Gus and Roxy’s glasses feed playing on there and he’ll be watching as they navigate through Hydra HQ, offering guidance and any advice he can come up with to get them in and out safely. It’s a backup role more than anything, but Eggsy’s still glad to have it. It’s a chance to prove himself again, be it a small one. He’ll take what he can get. 

The jet lands a ways away from the abandoned research center and the pair will take an off roader to get there. Black, nondescript, and without a license plate. Just like other Hydra vehicles. It’ll blend right in and so long as Gus and Roxy keep their heads down and don’t attempt any chit chat, they should fit in just fine among the rest of the Hydra goons. Eggsy gives them one last warning about being careful not to get into any sort of arguments. Hydra agents tend to be shoot first, ask later type of people. 

He pulls Roxy into a hug and murmurs into her ear, “Be safe. Got plenty more memories to tease you ‘bout.”

He watches them leave for a moment and then settles down at his seat. He pours himself some water and watches the feed carefully, even though right now it’s nothing but miles of snow and sky. It’s a bit odd, being in a pseudo handler role, but it’s still a step closer to action than he’d been just a moment earlier. If things pick up pace later (and Eggsy’s sort of hoping it doesn’t because a boring mission is a safe mission) he’s sure he’ll miss the feeling of bullets whizzing past him, but he can get to that in time. First, he has to prove that he can be trusted once more. 

Truthfully, Eggsy’s not entirely sure if he can be trusted. He has his doubts. How can he not? Harry is still recovering from his wound. Eggsy’s been soothed by Harry’s assurances that he’ll be fine and Eggsy shouldn’t blame himself, but that doesn’t mean he can forget all about it and pretend it never happened. It’s an undeniable fact that he’s a bomb, ticking away and threatening to wipe out everyone around him when he goes off. He needs to prove that he’s already burnt himself out, that he has no ammunition left. Not just to Kingsman, but to himself as well. 

Eggsy pours himself some water and distracts himself with sipping at it as he watches Galahad and Lancelot pull up at the building. They head inside and Eggsy guides them through the codes they need to punch in to be granted access. He has to constantly remind them to suppress the urge to look around and study their surroundings. Better to keep their gazes down or straight ahead. They may not get as much information that way, but it’s less likely they’ll get caught as infiltrators. They make it inside safely and Eggsy pauses a minute to rake his memory as he tries to remember what floor was what. They both wait patiently inside the elevator, pretending to check through some papers to provide explanation for the delay in pushing a button, should someone be watching through the security cameras. Finally, Eggsy sends Lancelot to the floor where the tech is kept and Galahad down towards the administrative offices. 

The security through the administrative floor is mostly alarms that Galahad easily disables, while the warehouse holding their tech has actual guards that Roxy will have to avoid. Therefore, most of Eggsy’s attention goes towards guiding Roxy and making sure she’s avoiding any possible confrontation. That’s his first mistake. His second is writing off Galahad’s mumble that he feels watched as junior agent nerves. And that’s all it takes. Just two mistakes and he’s managed to fuck the whole thing up. 

Eggsy barely has a moment to register it all when Galahad is ganged up on and gets a pistol to the back of the head to knock him out. Galahad crumbles down to the floor and for a moment, all Eggsy can see from his glasses is several pairs of boots. Eggsy wants to get mad and rant that it was a rookie mistake to be overpowered so easily but that would be hypocritical of him. It's just as much of a rookie mistake to let his guard down so much while handling. He should have known better. The view changes from boots and ankles to Galahad unconscious on the floor as someone takes the glasses and puts them on. The frame is rather rudely tapped a few times, obviously someone wanting to make sure that they're on and someone will be on the other side to hear him. When someone starts talking, Eggsy is horrified to see that he recognizes the voice on the other side. 

"Gary! What a lovely, yet horribly expected encounter. It was only a matter of time before you came running back, wasn't it?" Ludlum's voice is just as horrible as Eggsy remembers it. "Missed us, didn't you, boy?"

Ludlum, head of the enhancements department and in charge of arranging Hydra's assassinations. A wholly unpleasant man who had practically owned Eggsy's life for the last two years and had made it as unpleasant as possible. Eggsy's blood runs cold at hearing his voice again and it just about freezes in his veins when he feels that familiar pull in the back of his head as his brain grows fuzzy and his brainwashing takes back over. He has to keep Galahad and Lancelot safe. He can't do that if he's actively working against it. He tries to block out the voice, ignore it and think for himself instead of letting some psycho's programming of him take over, but it grows increasingly harder as Ludlum keeps talking. 

"We were expecting you to come, though we thought you'd wait more than just a few weeks. Then again, you always did live on the wild side," Ludlum remarks. "Did you really think we wouldn't know that you were sending in some of your friends? Please. Gary, we created the man you are today. We know what moves you'll make before you've even made up your mind. This was very naughty of you, sending your friends in to get rid of us. Why don't you make it better? Come on down and help us get rid of them. Make yourself useful again, Gary. Do what you're programmed to do." 

Eggsy doesn't respond. He doesn't want to give Ludlum the satisfaction of knowing he's there and listening. He knows he should shut the feed, or at least mute it. If he can't hear Ludlum, the man won't be able to control him. But something keeps him rooted in place. The same tug at the back of his head that's trying to pull Eggsy away and replace him with Gary. 

"Come on now, boy. Don't ignore me. You know how I hate being ignored." Ludlum sighs, tapping his foot impatiently. "Do you truly want to stick up for these supposed friends of yours so badly? The same friends who left you to die when you went missing? Isn't it the least bit disheartening to know that they didn't even try to look for you?" 

Eggsy just barely manages to mutter, "Piss off, you fuckin' wanker."

Ludlum just lets out a delighted laugh in response. "Ah! So you are listening in. Wonderful, wonderful. Surely there's some spare ammunition in that fancy Kingsman jet of yours. Why don't you grab some and head on down. This one here went down rather easily," he says, nudging at Galahad's side with the tip of his boot. "But that girl seems like she'll put on more of a fight. I'll even join you in hunting her down. It'll be fun, boy."

Eggsy glares at the feed, trying to will himself to look away, but his limbs don't seem to want to cooperate. 

"Come on, boy. Come on down and do your job. It's the only thing you're good at," Ludlum sneers. "You just saw your mother again a few days ago, didn't you? It'd certainly be a shame if something happened to her? Wouldn't it?" 

That does it for Eggsy. He can handle taunts and jeers and threats directed towards him. Even threats towards Kingsman and Roxy. He knows they can hold their own. But against his mother? That's too much for him. He knows Hydra goes through on their threats. Of course he knows. More often than not, he's the one who would be in charge of carrying out the assassinations. He can't let his mother get hurt because of him. Ludlum had always known how to get to him and it's Gary that stands back up to grab a weapon. 

"Yes, sir," he mumbles.

He goes to the cockpit and knocks the pilot unconscious in a matter of seconds before he retreats to the back to grab a gun for himself. He can still hear Ludlum's laughing through the comms and it's absolutely psychotic. Gary has always known that the man's a sadist and he doesn't want to test his limits. He tucks a gun and spare ammunition away in his suit and exits the plane to head out to the Russian tundra. Gary's dealt with worse conditions in the past and he's been trained to not pay any mind to them. He hardly feels the cold as he makes quick work of the few miles between the jet and the entrance to HQ.

His glasses don't shut up, they just keep yelling and yelling in his ear, so Gary rips them off and crushes them under his oxfords. He leaves them to be lost in the snow. He gets the vague feeling that he should be more worried about the reprimanding he'll get for that later, but then he remembers Ludlum's voie in his ear and he doesn't care. He couldn't care less about the glasses. He just cares about getting down into HQ and meeting up with Ludlum again and fulfilling his job. He gets to the abandoned research center soon enough and he heads down to Ludlum's floor. It seems that even after a few weeks of absence, all the Hydra goons still remember to be afraid of him, because they all duck out of his way when they see him coming. 

Downstairs, he finds Ludlum stepping over some dead bodies and inspecting an empty chair and some loose ropes around it. Gary waits off in a corner standing at attention and waiting for instructions. Ludlum leaves him for a moment before turning to him. The cocky smirk on his face stirs something unpleasant in Gary's gut, but he just stands and waits for his orders. 

"It seems you forgot to turn off your link to Kingsman. Stupid boy," Ludlum sneers, giving him a backhanded slap across the face. 

Anyone else would be dead before their hand can even come down. He's earned his reputation as one of the most feared assassins in the world. But Ludlum? Gary can do nothing but sit back and take it. He holds back a wince and mumbles an apology. There's not much else he can do. Ludlum is always angry, always talking down to him and sneering insults. 

"Apologies are no use now. The girl got a warning ahead of time and she managed to come down and overpower some of our men to retrieve her colleague. She's started heading out with the lad. Go get her and kill them both or when you come back, I'll toss you in solitary for a week," Ludlum threatens. Gary knows he'll be good on his word. Ludlum keeps him in solitary more often than not. 

Roxy is weighed down by Galahad, so it's no surprise that even with the head start, Gary is able to catch up quickly. They cross paths again out in the snow, just outside the shack. She looks back at him and there's none of the anger Gary expects. She just looks sad. She puts Galahad down on the snow and approaches him. Nobody ever approaches him. It catches him off guard enough that he actually takes a step back. He recovers quickly and pulls out one of his knives. He doesn't know why he doesn't just go for his gun. It'll be faster, more efficient. It feels wrong, though, and he aches to engage in hand to hand with this target, rather than just a clean shot and walk away.

"Eggsy... Eggsy, what happened?" she asks, practically begs of him. She seems unfazed by the knives. 

That frustrates Gary. It's a name that makes his head ache. He feels something scratching at the surface of his mind, as though begging to be set free. And why isn't she afraid of him? Everyone's afraid of him. She's supposed to be afraid of him. With an angry growl, he lunges at her. He aims to drive the knife between her ribs, but she sidesteps him easily. Not that Gary is going at full strength or speed anyway. 

She drives the toe of her shoes into the side of his knee, enough to incapacitate him for a moment and get him bent over in pain, but not enough to leave him in any sort of serious pain. She's still not retreating. Instead, she stays stubbornly in front of him. Within range of him, even. He wants to laugh at her foolishness and spout off the usual threats and intimidations. Instead, he just wonders furiously why she won't walk away and try to be safe. It's foolish to hover so near an armed assailant. Gary gets up from the snow again and tries once again to lunge at her. This time, he's not even going at half strength. There's something weighing him down, keeping him from truly trying to hurt her. He doesn't know why, he just doesn't want to. Something deep inside of him is telling him that he shouldn't be hurting her. That she's different from his usual marks. Instead of dodging out of the way to avoid him, she easily disarms him this time and grapples him down to the ground. Gary only barely attempts to fight back as she forces a pair of glasses onto his face, though, he does spit a few threats up at her. (Threats that he somehow knows he'd never go through on.)

"Eggsy, just come back to us!" Her voice trembles a little as she holds him back and she tugs his tie off and stuffs it in his mouth to stop his threats. 

Being silenced allows Gary to actually listen to the words being fed to him through the glasses and he's glad he does. It's just about the most soothing voice in the world, whispering calmly into his ear despite all the chaos going on. "Eggsy? My darling boy, it's me. It's Harry. Are you listening now? We need you to calm down, dear. Take a deep breath and remember how much everyone here at Kingsman loves you. Come back to us, Eggsy. Can you come back to us, love?"

Gary's vision blurs as that scratching in the back of his mind becomes overpowering. He stops fighting it and just lets it take over. He can't really see Roxy above him anymore, just a blur. He can tell from her body movements that she's yelling, but he doesn't hear that, either. His ears are pounding from a growing headache in the back of his head. It's Eggsy that opens his mouth to spew off horrified apologies, but before he has a chance to, he finishes blacking off and his head lolls off the side as his world darkens. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My smol Egg :(


	14. Clever Title

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy considers leaving Kingsman for everyone's safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my notes, I accidentally repeated a song in the titles. This one was Jet Song just like a chapter or two ago. So, um, yeah. Whoops. Feel free to give me song title recommendations haha

When Eggsy next wakes up, it’s not in the middle of the Russian tundra, covered in snow and half dead from frost bite. He’d almost expected that, actually, after having betrayed Kingsman a second time. No, he doesn’t wake up frozen. He actually wakes up back home, in his and Harry’s bed. He’s in a pair of comfy, silk pyjamas that he remembers getting in some little shop in Italy during their honeymoon. They’re well-worn and soothing as Eggsy sits up and tries to make sense of whatever had happened. JB is snoring away at his side, drooling all over Harry’s pillow. Eggsy picks him up and moves him away, knowing that Harry won’t be pleased by that. It feels like a normal morning two years ago, not what one would wake up to after attempting to kill a friend. Again. 

He wonders for a moment if perhaps it’s a dream. 

Eggsy heads out of the bedroom tentatively. He's pretty sure it isn't a dream, but if it isn't, why is he here instead of locked up in one of Kingsman's holding cells? He can smell tea and breakfast coming from downstairs, so he heads downstairs. His steps are hesitant at best. He's so confused. He goes to the kitchen to find Harry there, moving about their kitchen and making them their breakfast. Like a normal couple in a normal morning. 

"Good morning?" Eggsy asks, sitting down hesitantly and wishing his head would clear up long enough for things to make sense. 

Harry gives him a gentle smile, leaving some eggs to boil as he goes to sit next to Eggsy. He takes one of Eggsy's hands between his own and raises it to his lips to press a kiss to his knuckles. "Are you feeling already? Yesterday was rough on you. I'm sorry. I should have never sent you out without being positive you'd be okay. It was foolish of me."

Not a dream, then. Eggsy's mad at himself, not Harry. He'd wanted a chance to prove himself so badly and what had he done? He'd gone and fucked up some more, proving himself the very opposite of trustworthy. He hates himself for it. He's better than this. He knows it. He shakes his head quietly, struggles with words for a moment. "Harry... It's... not your fault," he finally gets out. "It was me. I was cocky and too confident and then I went and just betrayed everyone without a second thought." 

Eggsy's head hangs in shame and he refuses to look up. He stares down at his lap, at his bare feet, at the polished wood floor. Anything but up at Harry. He feels like a disappointment. Like he's let Harry down once again. Harry may be apologizing and refusing to call Eggsy out for his fuck ups, but that's just because that's how Harry is. He's too sweet for his own good and he'd never point a finger at Eggsy, even when he's deserving of it. 

Harry reaches over, taking Eggsy's chin between his fingers and tilting it up slowly so Eggsy has no choice but to look up at him. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Eggsy. This isn't your fault. It's those people at Hydra who tortured you and turned you into their puppet. Even the strongest of men would have crumbled. I don't blame you, Roxy doesn't, Merlin doesn't. None of us. So, please. Stop blaming yourself, my love." 

Eggsy sighs. "I should be better. I am better. I know I am," he mumbles. He just wants to be the same as before. That's impossible, he knows. No matter how much he may move on, there's no way to take back the last two years and change everything to pretend he'd never been a brainwashed assassin. But that doesn't keep Eggsy from hoping and dreaming that perhaps it's a possibility. 

"We still trust you as much as we did before, Eggsy," Harry insists. "There's simply precautions that need to be taken now. There's nothing shameful in that. The fact that you're here right now, struggling against what they've drilled into your head? That's already a sign of how strong and marvelous and loyal you are."

Eggsy sighs and just drops it. He knows Harry well enough to know that he won’t be winning this argument. He’s in no mood to argue and he really doesn’t have the energy to keep it up right now, anyway. He just nods and they eat their breakfast and drink their tea in silence.

 

 

 

  
                                                                                                                     ----

 

 

  
Eggsy heads into HQ later in the day. He’d been hesitant to at first, but Harry had convinced him that it’s okay. Harry’s still staying at home. The bullet wound is recovering well and Harry is more than used to working around a healing bullet hole, but he’s humoring them by staying at home and in bed most of the time. Roxy meets him at the tailor shop, though, and rides with him to the manor. He doesn’t say a word through their ride on the bullet train, but Roxy doesn’t try to force a conversation. Eggsy’s brooding, if he’s being entirely honest, and everyone needs a good brooding session every once in a while. 

Roxy puts an end to his brooding when they're in her office. Eggsy's not a knight again (and he doubts he ever will after that stunt he pulled in Siberia) so he doesn't have an office to retreat to. He could go up to Harry's, yes, but he doesn't feel right being there when Harry's stuck at home because of his bullet wound. So he hangs out in Roxy's office. She has her desktop monitor open to the report for yesterday, but she's not really paying attention to it. Her attention is on Eggsy, sulking in the arm chair at the corner of her office. 

"Are you just going to sit there and pout for the entire time you're here?" Roxy asks, frowning at him. "Because if you are, you can feel free to just leave and go down to Merlin's office or something. I'm not very fond of dealing with you in one of your moods."

"Fuck off, Rox. Can't you just... be mad at me or something? It would make sense," Eggsy mumbles. Nobody's mad at him, not even Gus. It's ridiculous how forgiving they all are. It seems there isn't a soul here in Kingsman who's willing to blame him for everything that's happened. It would be easier if they could. He can handle their anger. That's simple. He'd been prepared for that. 

Roxy laughs like it's the most ridiculous thing she's heard. "Be mad at you? Because you got brainwashed, Eggsy? That's ridiculous. If anything, I'm in complete awe at how you've managed to deal with it all and not just break down and give in." 

Eggsy sighs. He doesn't believe that for a second. He's still beating himself up about it all. Not just the last two years and all he'd done then, but having tried to hurt Roxy and Gus just now after only a few words from Ludlum. Or about having been so aggressive during his first few days after waking up in Kingsman. And of course, hurting Harry. Hesitantly and under his breath so Roxy can only just barely hear him, he says, "I jus' don't think I should be hangin' 'round here you know? I think it's unnecessarily dangerous bein' around Kingsman."

"Eggsy. You're family to us. We're not going to let you just pick up and leave, if that's what you're thinking," Roxy warns frowning. 

"Maybe not leave completely, but not come here either. I'll still be married to Harry, we'll all still be friends, I'll still hang out with you all. Maybe just not have me come to HQ anymore. And definitely not get let back into the table. There's so many risks. It's just too dangerous."

"You're a damn fool if you think we're letting you get away with quitting the table. You're one of our best agents, Eggsy."

"I was. I'm not anymore, Roxy. I'm just… I’m a liability."

That's just too much for Roxy to bear and she gets up going over to where he's sitting and tugging him up into a hug. "Eggsy, you're our friend. First and foremost. Our friend. You're too hard on yourself. We don't see you that way," she assures him. 

"I just dunno, Rox," Eggsy mumbles. He hugs her back and leans his chin on Roxy's shoulder. It's some much needed comfort. "I appreciate you tellin' me this, but it ain't like there's a spot at the table anyway. Gus got Galahad know yeh? Ain't no code name for me to take. Probably better that way, anyway." 

She looks at him with a look Eggsy has come to recognize as the look she gets when she's determined to win an argument and she'll even make some questionable decisions to do so. Eggsy finds himself wondering if maybe he shouldn't have said anything.

 

 

 

  
                                                                                                                             ----

 

 

  
They don't talk about it anymore for the rest of the day. Roxy had gone off to get him some tea to make him feel better and she'd come back an oddly long amount of time later. Eggsy has been suspicious of her all day, but she's managed to distract him by taking him around to all the other agents and having him get reacquainted with all of them again. Eggsy goes into all the reacquainting determined not to get distracted from how suspicious Roxy had been, but at the end of it, his joking around with old friends had won out. 

He goes home early, just a little bit before three. He goes out in the mornings and spends time wit Roxy because he knows Harry will throw a fit if he just stays at home all day, but Eggsy doesn't feel entirely comfortable leaving Harry along for so long. Not after he'd put a bullet in him just a week earlier. So they compromise. Eggsy spends time with friends, but he comes home early so he can dote upon his husband and try to soothe the guilt he still feels for shooting him. 

Harry's waiting for him on the living room couch when Eggsy gets there. Eggsy can smell something from the kitchen and a quick glance over confirms that the oven is on and there's a stack of bowls and knives and cutting boards in the sink that lets Eggsy know that Harry hasn't just been up and cooking, but also that it wasn't something quick that he'd popped in and gone right back to sitting. 

He rolls his eyes as he goes to give Harry a kiss and sit down next to him. "You're meant to be on bed rest," Eggsy reminds him. "Bed rest means jus' that. Layin' in bed an' resting. Not gettin' up an' makin' us one of those ridiculous five course meals of yours." 

"I'm fine, Eggsy. I was an agent for three decades. I've had far worse," Harry insists. It's the same argument Eggsy's been hearing endlessly for the last week. "You're far too skinny these days. I need to get some more meat back on your bones, my darling."

“Silly bastard,” Eggsy murmurs fondly. “Worry ‘bout getting’ those stitches taken out an’ then you can fuss over me all you want.”

“That’s a compromise I’m willing to make,” Harry relents, nodding. He pauses for just a second too long, which gives Eggsy a warning that he’ll probably be breaching a topic Eggsy doesn’t want to talk about. “Roxanne called me earlier. She said you’d talked to her about not returning to Kingsman.”

“Fuckin’ snitch. Yeah… I wasn’t jus’ talkin’ to her ‘bout it, Harry. I’m not comin’ back. I ain’t gonna risk hurtin’ people,” Eggsy insists. It hurts his heart to let go of Kingsman, but he has to do what’s best for Kingsman. He loves his job and that’s why he has to leave it. 

“It’s a shame you feel that way, because I absolutely refuse to sign off on any resignation papers you may file.”

Eggsy rolls his eyes. “Don’t be a child, Harry. Be reasonable about this. You gotta do what’s best an’ me stickin’ about isn’t what’s best.”

“You’re one of our best and you’ve already shown remarkable loyalty to the organization. It would be foolish of us to let you go. I am, however, willing to compromise. For the duration of your unease regarding your stability, we’ll only send you out in dual agent missions. That way there’ll always be someone there to control you if need be,” Harry suggests. “Would that be a reasonable compromise?”

Admittedly, Eggsy hasn’t had much time to make himself stubborn about this. He’s only recently made the halfhearted decision that he should retire from Kingsman and he’s not even fully onboard with it. Of course he doesn’t want to leave Kingsman, it’s just what he thinks he should do. The sort of sacrificial play the heroes in movies always make. But Eggsy’s never really been the hero type, has he? So it’s no surprise that Harry can make his resolve crumble with just a few words. 

“I… Yeh, all right. So long as there’s someone else wit’ me, I’d love to. But… There ain’t a codename available anyway. Maybe we should wait until someone else retires? Might be better that way.”

“Well, dear boy, I was thinking we could bring back a name that hasn’t been used for years. I was quite hoping you would be my Guinevere.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl I have a weak spot in my heart for Guinevere!Eggsy


	15. I'll Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a manbun briefly and then, very sadly, the death of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _And oh - I'll be there to comfort you,_  
>  _Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you_  
>  _I'll be there with a love that's strong_  
>  _I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on - yes I will, yes I will_  
>  \- I'll Be There, Jackson 5

Eggsy's knighting as Guinevere isn't a big deal. Nobody sees any reason why it should be. As far as they’re concerned, Eggsy had never really stopped being a part of the table. He'd just been off on an unfortunate hiatus. It’s all treated as some sort of routine event. Harry's given clearance to be officially out of bed rest a week after Eggsy's agreed to take the position and he calls a table meeting. Everyone knows what it's for, gossip gets around incredibly quickly through Kingsman, but all the knights still look absolutely delighted when Eggsy strolls into the table room with Harry. They go through a typical meeting schedule while Eggsy stands off in a corner and when the meeting is wrapping up, Harry pulls up a second chair at the head of the table with him and announces that Eggsy will be their new Guinevere. There's a round of polite clapping and a promise to celebrate properly later. Then just like that, the meeting's over and all the knights head in their separate directions. 

It was terribly dull, but Eggsy loves it. Eggsy's had enough excitement to last him a lifetime. He needs the reassurance that his rejoining the table is common sense, not some sort of crazy, irrational decision. 

Once the room is cleared of everyone but him and Harry, Eggsy moves from his chair to Harry's lap. He leans up and kisses his cheek. "This is excitin'. I'll admit I missed havin' a code name." 

"Nothing's changed, my darling," Harry chuckles. "You were always an agent to us. We've simply changed your name."

"Jus' feels more official. That's all," Eggsy shrugs. He knows it's ridiculous, but making it all official is what he'd needed to soothe his worries. Even if making it official in this case was nothing more than Harry taking two seconds out of their meeting to announce that he's Guinevere now.

Harry smiles in understanding as he kisses the top of Eggsy's forehead. "Why don't we have a celebration? A more domestic one before the knights drag us out for pints. What do you say we pass by your mother's, collect Daisy, and all go out for ice cream? We can get JB and go to the park for a walk. Make a day out of it."

"That sounds brilliant," Eggsy agrees, grinning. He gets up off Harry's lap and smooths out his suit. He takes a moment to run his fingers through his hair, still long and unruly. His hair has absolutely refused to be tamed. He'll need to get it cut soon. Before his first official mission, that's for sure. "I'll call Mum an' let her know we'll be there in 'bout an hour. Should give us enough time to pick up JB."

Harry nods. "Just give me a minute or two to send out the last of the papers regarding the code name change." 

They're out of the shop within ten minutes and back home in half an hour. Eggsy may have perhaps have convinced Harry to tell his driver speed just a bit, but he can't help but be excited at the thought of spending some time in the park with Daisy and JB. He adores Daisy with all his heart and he's missed JB unbearably in the last two years. He knows Harry's grown more fond of JB as well. All that and Harry at his side? It's the workings of a perfect afternoon. That's worth speeding just a bit over. 

Harry stays in his suit, but Eggsy elects to change into his more casual clothing. In other words, track pants and a tee and a snapback that makes Harry cringe. He likes it, though, and he knows Harry puts up with it for his sake. When they get to his mother's flat, Daisy is waiting impatiently by the door for them. When Michelle opens the door for them, Daisy flings herself at them. 

"Uncle Harry! Eggy!" She jumps up into their waiting arms and gives them both tight hugs before sitting down on the ground to scratch JB's ears with a giggle. "JB! Are we gonna go get ice cream now, Uncle Harry?" She looks up at him with wide, eager eyes. 

Harry leans down and picks her up, nodding. "That we are. We're going to go walk to the park, get ourselves some ice cream cones, and then walk around while we eat them. Let JB play a bit. How's that sound?"

"It sounds perfect, Uncle Harry!"

For not the first time, Eggsy marvels at how wonderful Harry is with her. It still seems so odd that a seasoned killer like Harry could be so gentle and caring. It's a bit hypocritical, he knows, since he's just as much of a killer as Harry, but it's no less amazing to him. It never fails to warm Eggsy's heart when he sees his husband and his sister together. They promise his mother that they'll be home within three hours and they're off. Daisy insists on walking instead of being carried and on holding JB's leash. Harry distracts Daisy while Eggsy mumbles a command for JB not to run off. Holding his leash makes her feel big and they won't take that away from her by letting her know that she's not really doing any of the work. 

When they arrive at the ice cream shop, Daisy gets the most ridiculous ice cream cone Eggsy's ever seen. It has two scoops of chocolate chip ice cream, caramel drizzled on top, rainbow sprinkles, chocolate sprinkles, and somehow, gummy bears on top of it all. Before Eggsy even has a chance to suggest that maybe it's a bit too over the top and she should get something more normal like vanilla, Harry's already whipping out his credit card to pay for the monstrosity. Daisy lets out a delighted giggle that throw all of Eggsy's concerns about her being spoiled out the window. She's so adorable, Eggsy doesn't even mind if they create a monster out of her.

Daisy makes a mess of her ice cream as they walk. She gets it all over her face, on her clothes, on her hair. There’s even melted bits of chocolate ice cream and sprinkle stuck on JB’s fur by the time she’s done. How she’d managed that is anyone’s guess. Thankfully, Harry is posh enough that he walks around with wet wipes and he wipes her as clean as he can before him and Eggsy sit down and let JB and Daisy loose to run around and play. Eggsy watches the two of them run about, chasing at butterflies and squirrels, and he can’t help but take a moment to appreciate how lucky he is to have gotten all of this back.

Eventually, Daisy and JB tire themselves out. They make their way over to Harry and Eggsy’s bench, the both of them panting and looking adorably beat. JB flops down at their feet and Daisy climbs up onto Eggsy’s lap. She curls up against him and Eggsy doesn’t even mind all the remnants of sticky ice cream all over her. 

“Long,” she remarks, playing a bit with the hair around Eggsy’s shoulders. 

“It is long,” Eggsy agrees, nodding. He takes the snapback off (ignoring Harry’s exaggerated sigh of relief) and tugs at some of the strands a little. “I’m gonna cut it soon, though, little flower.”

Daisy looks outraged by that and she stares at him in horror. “You’re cutting it off? But why? It’s pretty!” 

“It gets in the way of my work, luv. Tailors can’t have long hair all messy an’ loose like this. We might accidentally cut it off when we’re makin’ a suit,” Eggsy explains. He almost regrets mentioning it, she looks so sad. 

“Then you just hafta be not silly about your hair!” Daisy takes the band of her braid and stands on Eggsy’s lap, taking his hair and putting it up into a messy bun before he can complain. She smiles proudly at her work. “See? Now it’s not messy!” 

Harry beats him Eggsy to the laughing. “Well you’re right that it’s not as messy, Daisy darling, but I’m afraid you’ve made him look like a hipster now.”

Later that night, when Eggsy wrangles up a pair of hair clippers and shears his hair back to a manageable, military regulation length, he finds that he almost misses the manbun.

 

 

  
                                                                                                                     ---

 

 

“Eggsy! Will you come down to medical as soon as you can, lad?” 

Eggsy’s in the middle of decorating his new office at Kingsman HQ. It’s more spacious than the one he’d had as Galahad and it’s right next to Harry’s office, which is a definite plus. Merlin’s team has already set up his desktop and Harry was generous enough to already have a large stack of paperwork waiting for Eggsy at the corner of his desk. Eggsy’s just putting up the finishing touches so that no one has any doubt as to whose office it is from the moment they walk in. Some football banners, some posters, a stereo system to play his obnoxious hip hop music on. 

He finishes putting up a Medal of Honor poster and turns over to Merlin. “Yeah, sure. Not in any sorta trouble am I?” 

“You’re not in trouble every single time I call you down somewhere, regardless of how it may seem,” Merlin answers, rolling his eyes. “Just going to run that physical on you. The one we’ve been meaning to do ever since you came back. Psych Ward finally said you’re good to go on that.”

Eggsy nods in understanding. He knows Hydra had done more than just mess around with his arm. He’s faster, stronger, sharper. The question Merlin’s placed himself in charge of answering is how much and whether or not the cocktail of chemicals they’d shoved into him had messed him up at all. Eggsy knows that Merlin’s been itching to run a whole slew of tests on him ever since he came back, but between Harry and the team of psychologists Eggsy’s had to see almost daily since coming back, they’d convinced Merlin to hold off until Eggsy’s better. 

After putting the finishing touches on his office, Eggsy goes down to Medical, where Merlin’s waiting with some nurses and plenty of wires and machines to hook him up to. Eggsy has to strip down to a pair of black, Kingsman issued boxer briefs but he’s not fazed by the nudity or the many things getting attached to him. Instead, he can’t help but wink cheekily. “If you’d wanted to get me naked, guv, you just had to ask.” 

“As if. Harry would skin me alive, lad,” Merlin says, smirking a little as he sits Eggsy down to get his blood pressure and some blood samples. “Besides, I do have standards, you know?”

“How fuckin’ rude!” Eggsy feigns offense. “Now I might not be cooperative while bein’ your guinea pig for the afternoon. Gonna whine an’ drag my feet an’ make your job hell.” 

"You could be that way." Merlin shrugs innocently before suggesting, "And I could very easily talk to your head physician and tell him not to sign off the necessary paperwork to get you back on the field."

That certainly shuts Eggsy up. Merlin brings up the threat three more times over the next two hours and it does its job. Eggsy stays in line, doing everything Merlin and his team tell him to without a hint of complaints. It's horribly boring, though. It's just a lot of tests that they'll have to wait for the results of and checking his vitals as he swims laps and does pull ups and runs on a treadmill. He's trying to behave, he really is, but by the end of it, Eggsy's fidgety and itching to get back outside. 

Merlin notices, of course, and he wraps up as quickly as he can for Eggsy's sake. He tosses his clothes at him and says, "Get dressed, lad, and go outside to run a few laps. Burn off some of that energy, why don't you? Here. Wear this around your wrist and run a mile or two. I'll look through those vitals later. Keep the both of us happy." 

"You're the guvnor, Merlin," Eggsy grins brightly, getting dressed in his suit and grabbing the wrist monitor.

He heads down to the locker room and is glad to see that Harry has already had it stocked with his exercise clothing. He changes quickly and heads out to the jogging track. Eggsy used to absolutely hate it during is training, but that had more to do with JB's laziness than not wanting to run. Now that he doesn't have to worry about dragging JB along behind him, he loves coming out here and doing a few laps. The two miles Merlin had suggested quickly become three, which become four, which become five. As he's finishing his fifth, Roxy is waiting by the beginning of the track, right in front of the manor's back entrance. Eggsy slows down and stops in front of her, giving her a wide grin. He's not the least bit tired. He was just about to go on another lap, in fact. 

"Merlin sent me up. Says you've been running like mad and he wasn't convinced that you weren't dead on your feet," Roxy explains, eyeing him. "Did you really just run five miles in twenty minutes?"

Eggsy looks down at his watch with a shrug. He hasn't even been keeping track, but those times add up so he nods. "Yeah, I guess so. Didn't feel like that much. Was gonna run another. Wanna join me?" he asks, eyeing Roxy, who's wearing the same Kingsman exercise clothes as he is. 

"You'll go easy on me? Because you're definitely on steroids or something if you just ran five miles and you're not even out of breath," she teases. 

"I'll even give you a head start. Ten, nine, eight..." He continues counting down and watches Roxy run off a few meters ahead of him.

Eggsy waits a while longer after getting to one and then easily catches up to her. They run side by side for a while, Roxy going full speed and Eggsy only going about half his strength. They finally have to pull over and stop for a rest at the end of Roxy’s third mile, Eggsy’s eight. She flops down to the ground to catch her breath, looking up at Eggsy with a mixture of disbelief and frustration at his nonchalance. Eggsy’s only just began to grow a little short of breath. 

“Merlin’s going to have a ball looking through all the tests he did of you,” Roxy decides, shaking her head. “That’s insane, Eggsy. No wonder you cut your hair. It must have just been flowing in the wind behind you before this. I’m sure you looked like a princess.”

He moves to sit down next to her, laughing a little. “You and Daisy can mourn my hair together,” he teases. He lays back on the grass, staring up at the clouds for a moment before he continues, “I guess how fast I am these days is pretty cool. Jus’ wish it didn’t have to be under the present circumstances, y’know? Pretty shit to think that I was essentially a guinea pig for two years. But, hey! At least you’ll never beat me in a race!”

“Pfft, none of our competitions count anymore. You’re a human GMO.”

“They totally do count. An’ it’s not like you were beatin’ me before, luv.” 

“At least my arm doesn’t set off airport security and turn into a beacon under the sun.” 

“Yeah, well… All right, you win, Rox.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the best part of writing is getting to be indulgent about the image of Taron with long hair


	16. Go The Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy overestimates how much better he's gotten, but Merlin is there to help him through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'll be there someday, I can go the distance_   
>  _I will find my way if I can be strong_   
>  _I know every mile, will be worth my while_   
>  _When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong_
> 
> \- Go the Distance, Hercules

Eggsy gets the two best weeks of his life. Merlin finishes up all the tests and assures him that it doesn’t look like Hydra has pumped any sort of cancer inducing chemicals and though Eggsy’s head physician takes this news well and signs him off for field duty, he’s yet to be sent out on any missions. Instead, he’s been hanging about Kingsman HQ. It’s given him plenty of time to catch up with Harry and his family. That’s all Eggsy really wants right now. Far more than missions, he just wants to get a chance to not think about Hydra and just worry about playing princesses with his little sister or taking JB out on his nightly walks with Harry in tow. 

Of course, his fun has to end sooner rather than later. He’s just getting home from a tea party with Daisy’s stuffed animals and Harry’s waiting for him at the door with a grave expression. Eggsy knows instantly that there must be something wrong. Before he can ask, Harry hands him a file from work. Eggsy looks down and skims it. Another assassination, some Member of Parliament now. Eggsy can feel his heart drop. He knows what that means. Hydra. Eggsy’s not foolish enough to have thought that they would just put a stop to everything because Kingsman had taken an interest, but he had hoped that he could put Hydra behind him and forget all about it. Eggsy takes the file and goes to sit at their couch, looking over it with a soft sigh. 

“I ain’t surprised or nothin’,” he finally says after a few minutes of silence between the two of them. “Don’t mean I ain’t upset ‘bout it. Jus’ want ‘em to fuck off already. They already took two years of my life. What more could they fuckin’ want?”

Harry sits down next to him and wraps an arm around Eggsy’s shoulders. “You needn’t be involved past the information you’ve given us already. Not if you’re uncomfortable with it. We already have a large team set up to handle this. We won’t be at a loss for manpower if you should choose to step back.”

Eggsy has already provided them with all the information he can manage. He’s given them names of Hydra personnel, names of their sympathizers, locations of bases, and just about anything he can think of that will help. Looking back at his two years with Hydra as a long term undercover mission helps to make the memories more manageable. Still, taking down entire organizations is a tricky business, one that requires finding a balance between just bombing the bases to ash and executing a few key assassinations here and there. Eggsy knows that every little bit of help can make a difference and he’s not just going to walk away now. 

“Trust me, I want those fuckers jus’ as dead as anyone else. More so. I’ll help the handlers along from HQ. Can’t do much damage from there an’ you never know when you need a spy who’s been on the inside,” Eggsy points out. 

“I want them gone just as much as you do, darling,” Harry assures him, rubbing Eggsy’s thigh. 

Eggsy shakes his head, tapping the heel of his shoe against the hardwood floor. “You don’t, Harry. I know it was hard for you, in some ways more than for me ‘cause you remembered an’ were all alone. But… Fuck, Harry, they took away who I am. They stripped me of everythin’ that makes me me an’ turned me into nothin’ more than a fuckin’ machine. An’ they were more than happy to remind me of that every day. Trust me, Harry, you don’t want ‘em as dead an’ gone as I do.” 

“Of course. I’m afraid I just never thought of it that way,” Harry apologizes. He sighs and pulls Eggsy into a hug. Eggsy happily rests his head against Harry’s chest and relishes in Harry stroking his hair. “You’ve been so unbelievably strong through all of this. Every once in a while, I seem to forget how very brave you are and then you always remind me in some over the top, overly dramatic gesture. Do me a favor, though, dear? Don’t attempt to top this one.” 

Eggsy can’t help but laugh. Harry always manages to soothe his nerves and reassure him that no matter how things play out, they’ll end up okay. “Don’t worry, luv. I ain’t gonna even try. I’m afraid a faked death and disappearance for two years is jus’ untoppable.”

  
                                                                                                                         ---

  
HQ becomes home for the next few days. Kingsman has experience toppling organizations like Hydra, but it’s still an all hands on deck event. Hydra’s motto is sculpted after its namesake, chop off one head and two more will take its place, and while Kingsman has no doubt that it’s the overly confident pipe dream of some megalomaniac who dreams of taking over the world, they don’t want to put it to the test either. It’s too dangerous an organization to leave roaming free for the length of time it would take to infiltrate and topple from the inside (Eggsy’s body count alone is more than enough to prove that) so Kingsman HQ is busy with everyone working to nail the intricacies of taking down an entire group all at once. Eggsy’s been bustling around nonstop to provide all the information and help he can get. 

He’s beginning to understand why Merlin has a tea addiction. 

Eggsy’s found two spots around HQ that he hangs around the most in these high stress days. Either on Harry’s lap in his office or next to Merlin’s desk. Neither spot is relaxing by any means of the imagination, but the two men seemed to have the most sympathy for how tough a situation Eggsy is inat the moment. He’s excited at the thought of getting rid of the people who had ruined his life, but as he sits by Merlin and watches several of their agents (it’s an astounding seven person mission) get ready to begin their missions and take out their targets, there’s a sense of dread building in the pit of Eggsy’s stomach. 

He wants these people gone, he truly does. In his heart, Eggsy knows that he wants nothing more than for Hydra to be a textbook example for new recruits as to how Kingsman can absolutely destroy an organization. There’s some remnants of his programming in the back of his head that makes it hard to watch, though. Eggsy absolutely hates himself for it. He hates knowing that try as he might, Hydra still has some pull on him. He hates that even if they disappeared from the face of the Earth, a part of them would still linger inside him. Most of all, he hates himself for allowing himself to be affected so much. 

Regardless, Eggsy grits his teeth and forces himself to power through the unpleasant feelings growing in the back of his head. He only makes it a few minutes, until Ludlum is killed with two clean sniper shots through the head. He stands up shakily and steps away from Merlin’s desk. “I… I hafta go…” 

Eggsy rushes off to one of the break rooms and makes himself a strong brew of coffee with trembling hands. The break room is deserted with everyone busy working on the mission, which is perfect. He doesn’t need too many people around to witness him breaking down. He takes the coffee and downs half of it in one go, black and unsweetened. It’s scalding as it runs down his throat and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Just the distraction he needs to calm himself and not think about the brief pang of regret and sorrow he’d felt watching Ludlum get shot. He feels like a traitor just thinking about it.

Merlin comes inside a few minutes later and he sits down across from Eggsy, very slowly and very quietly so as to not startle him. Eggsy doesn’t even look up as Merlin asks, “Are you okay, lad?” 

It’s very obvious that he’s not okay so he doesn’t dignify that with an answer. “You’re meant to be handlin’,” he points out, staring down at the dark coffee sloshing about in his mug. 

“Morgana’s covering me for a bit. This is more important,” Merlin says, gesturing between them. “My agents’ health is extremely important, you know. And my friends’? It’s absolute priority.” 

“I ain’t fuckin’ sick, Merlin.”

“Being healthy has more to it than keeping flus and colds away.” 

Eggsy knocks back the rest of his coffee and leans back, shaking his head. He’s absolutely useless. A traitor to Kingsman. He can’t think of any reason why Merlin would be here worrying about him. Merlin should be out helping the loyal agents. He fears saying any of this out loud, though. He doesn’t want Merlin running back to Harry and making a big deal out of this. Merlin, as always, seems to know exactly what Eggsy’s thinking. 

“You can talk to me, Eggsy. I won’t go telling Harry,” Merlin assures him. “I’m not sitting here as your superior. I’m here as a friend who’s worried that you’ve been keeping too much bottled in since coming back home. I don’t want to see you tear yourself apart.” 

Eggsy sighs. He won’t cry, he won’t let himself, but he can still feel the burning at his eye and the lump in his throat. He doesn’t know what he’d ever done to deserve becoming Hydra’s puppet. Or even to have friends as supporting as everyone at Kingsman. The feelings contradict one another and he can’t stand it. “I jus’… Fuck, Merlin, I jus’ wanna be myself again. I hate that bastard. Fuckin’ Ludlum treated me like I was his fuckin’ dog. But… There’s jus’ that part of me that Hydra custom tailored that felt fuckin’ bad. How horrible is that? I felt bad that we were killin’ a homicidal maniac.”

Merlin moves his chair to sit closer to Eggsy. He lays a reassuring hand on Eggsy’s knee and doesn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he insists, “That wasn’t you, lad. That was Hydra and all the horrible shit they did to you. You can’t blame yourself for them being, as you said, homicidal maniacs. I was under Chester King’s employment when he betrayed us, but it’d be rather foolish to blame myself for his betrayal, wouldn’t it?” 

“That’s… fuck, that’s different, Merlin. You wasn’t Chester King’s lapdog.” 

“And you weren’t Hydra’s lapdog. The super soldier they created was their lapdog. And you’re not him. Now. Enough of this. Do you want some tea?”

Coming from anyone else, Eggsy would be offended at the nonchalant change of subject and the seeming lack of sentiment. From Merlin, though, it’s the normalcy he’s been craving. So Eggsy rolls his eyes in feigned annoyance and hides a smile as he nods. There’s still the remnants of self-loathing lurking inside him and he doesn’t plan on going back to watch the mission, but he no longer feels the need to run away back home and hide away from Kingsman for the rest of his life. 

Morgana comes by several hours later to inform them that everything has gone okay in the mission and they’re just handling clean up and lower level threats. Merlin and Eggsy are on their sixth cup of tea and they’ve lost track of how many embarrassing stories of Harry that they’ve been sharing. Eggsy doesn’t quite feel okay yet, but it’s starting to feel like a possibility again. That’s more than good enough for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my least favorite chapter tbh and I still don't really like how it turned out, but I just couldn't get it right and this was my least least favorite of my attempts soooo yeah  
> Just one more chapter left! :'( However, I'm going to be publishing another story soon. That one will involve Eggsy being raised by Percilot and Roxy being his sister so... keep an eye out for that!


	17. Epilogue

Things improve after Hydra’s out of the picture. Eggsy gets several offers to see mission footage or to find out specifics, but he turns them all down. He’s decided it’s just better he doesn’t know any of it. He’s been assured that he has nothing to worry about and that’s all he needs. Eggsy’s more than ready to really begin again, with a clean slate this time. He’s much, much happier as he wanders HQ now. Hydra’s gone, Harry’s recovered from his wound, and things are almost normal again. Well, as normal as they can be when one is a secret agent. When he goes away on his first proper mission, there are none of the nerves he’d expected. Instead, Eggsy’s overjoyed. He’d almost forgotten the thrill of it all. 

When he comes back, a little battered around but otherwise no worse for wear, he can’t stop grinning as he walks through HQ after handing in his post-mission report. The rest of the manor takes notice. 

“Good to have you back, Guinevere,” Tristan says.

Gawain takes one look at him and asks, “Does this mean we’re back on for trivia pub night, Egg?”

The new Galahad approaches him with a nervous grin and a look of hero worship. “I’ve been meaning to ask, sir, did you really stop V-Day almost single-handedly?” 

“You feeling better, Eggsy? I can finally stop going easy on you at the gun range,” Bors grins threateningly.

Lamorak and Bedivere both give him hugs that leave him breathless. Percival just nods politely and smiles at him, but Eggsy knows that in Percival language, that’s as big of a deal as having tea with the Queen. Eggsy’s never been more thankful of the crazy group of knights he has as coworkers. Where else could he disappear for two years and then merge seamlessly back into the friend group after coming back and trying to kill the boss? 

They’re even comfortable enough to joke around about it, although Eggsy reckons Gawain and Bors would make jokes about anything and everything if they suspect it’ll help them in their games of poker. 

“I’m beginning to think they messed around in your head even more than we thought while you were gone,” Bors accuses when Eggsy clears out the table in their break room poker games. It’s the second time this week he’s done so. 

Gawain nods in annoyed agreement. “There’s no way our Egg is this smart. Not smart enough to beat the Monte Carlo Poker Champion of 1996.”

“And the Monaco Champion of ’99,” Bors pipes in.

Saying they’re an odd bunch is an understatement, but Eggsy loves them all the more for it.

 

 

  
                                                                                                                               ----

 

 

  
Eggsy’s better than he’s been in ages, happier than he’s been for a long time. That doesn’t mean Hydra doesn’t find ways to haunt him. It’s just that now, instead of creeping into his head as he watches Merlin handle missions, they come in the form of nightmares. More often than not, Eggsy wakes in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and crying as he desperately clings to Harry in search of a reminder that he’s there and he’s okay. 

His dreams are relentless and it seems they come from the very darkest corners of Eggsy’s mind. When he’s fast asleep, there’s no escaping the dreamed up scenarios where he betrays Kingsman or hurts his friends or stays at Hydra. Without a fail, he’ll dream of Harry, hurt or killed at Eggsy’s hand and without a fail, it wakes him in a panic, yelling and crying. 

Harry’s always there to soothe him. When Eggsy tangles himself up as he kicks and squirms in the bedsheets, Harry gently untangles him and runs a hand through his hair. “Shush, Eggsy, it’s all right. You’re all right. I’m right here,” he murmurs, holding Eggsy close and rocking him. “I’m okay. See? I’m fine. You’ve nothing to worry about.” 

Eggsy sobs into Harry’s chest, clinging to him. These are moments of weakness Eggsy doesn’t acknowledge during waking hours. He let Harry’s heartbeat against his ear calm him down enough to speak again. “I… Fuck, Harry, I’m sorry. I’m so scared of losin’ you. I can’t lose you.”

“Darling boy, I didn’t let a bullet to the head take me away from you. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me forever now,” Harry says in hopes of getting Eggsy to smile. 

Eggsy just sniffles quietly and hold Harry tighter. “I’m sorry, Harry… You shouldn’t have to deal wit’ all my shit.” Eggsy has just about been convinced that being brainwashed by Hydra doesn’t make him a traitor to Kingsman, but there’s still work to be done in assuring him that he’s not a burden to his loved ones. 

“I’m not ‘dealing with your shit’. I’m your husband and I love you. There’s nothing I love more than seeing you happy and when you’re not, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to get you smiling again,” Harry assures him, tilting Eggsy’s chin up so the younger looks up at him. 

“This is… It’s so hard, Harry. Every time I think I’m finally past it all, it jus’ comes back an’ punches me in the gut,” Eggsy mumbles, leaning his chin on Harry’s shoulder. “Kinda wish we could kill ‘em all again.” 

Harry nods. “I know, darling. I think I’m beginning to understand what you meant when you told me that killing Valentine once wasn’t enough. I truly would love to have them all suffer for a good while longer. It seems only fair after all they’ve done to us.”

Eggsy nods and lays back with a soft sigh. Harry kisses his forehead and mumbles that he’ll return in a quick moment. He puts on his robe and disappears downstairs for a few moments. When Harry returns, it’s with a mug of hot cocoa and JB in tow. Eggsy sits up to drink his chocolate and rub JB’s belly. It’s hard to be upset while drinking hot chocolate and scratching JB’s belly. His eyes are still puffed up and the sniffles persist, but Eggsy attempts a weak smile. 

“Harry Hart,” he says. “Master super spy, survivor of head shots, head of a spy organization, an’ master coddler as well. You certainly are a jack of all trades, bruv.” 

“It’s one of my favorite things in the world, coddling you,” Harry says, smiling as he settled down next to JB and Eggsy. “You’re smile is its own reward.” 

“You’re a bloody sap, y’know that?”

“That’s a title I’m more than willing to bear for you, my love.” 

Eggsy laughs and leans over to kiss him. There’s times when he can’t believe that his gentle, caring husband used to be a superspy with a kill list a mile long. Sure, Harry still runs Kingsman, but there’s a difference between giving orders and being the one carrying out the killing. Eggsy’s just too used to the Harry that spoils him to picture a Harry that’s a ruthless agent. 

His hot chocolate is all but forgotten on the bedside table as he snogs Harry, slow and gentle and just relishing that they’re both alive and together. Finally, they press a little closer to each other and smush one of JB’s paws between them. JB lets out a loud whine in protest and they finally pull apart. Harry soothes JB to stop his whining and crying while Eggsy drink the rest of his now lukewarm hot chocolate. Eggsy watches Harry scratch JB’s ears and murmur soothingly at him and somehow, he falls impossibly more in love with his wonderful husband.

“You’re so wonderful… Dunno what I ever did for you to love me so much,” Eggsy marvels, wishing there were words that could truly express just ho in love he is with this man.

“Well, my dear, it seems you’ve stolen this Hart’s heart,” Harry quips. He smirks, looking far too proud of himself for the pun. 

“God, Harry, that was terrible!”

 

 

  
                                                                                                                 ----

 

 

  
Eggsy’s just come home from his first solo mission. He’s been back at Kingsman for nearly a year now and things are just beginning to feel normal. The nightmares have receded, he feels Hydra tugging at the back of his head less and less, and Eggsy’s slowly starting to grow more confident with himself. There hadn’t been any major problems in Eggsy’s tag teaming missions and now, his mission alone has run perfectly. It’s a great boost of confidence. 

He’s exhausted, though. The mission had taken him away from home for a week and a half, off to the corners of the Canadian wilderness. Eggsy’s missed Harry, but the thrill and adrenaline of the mission had kept him running throughout the eleven days away from home. That had all disappeared the moment the Kingsman jet touched down in English soil. He wants nothing more than to go home and drop into bed with Harry, where he can sleep for days on end. 

Merlin can tell with just one look at him and Eggsy’s report is blissfully postponed a few days. Eggsy’s arrived at half past three in the morning, so he’s not surprised to hear that Harry’s at home and sleeping. He takes a car back to their home and lets himself inside as quietly as possible. He wishes he could be surprised when Harry’s waiting in the living room for him. 

“You’re s’posed to be asleep,” Eggsy points out as he hangs up his jacket and toes off his oxfords. 

Harry stands and goes over to Eggsy, undoing his tie for him and unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt to get him more comfortable. “Merlin called ahead to tell me you were on your way, darling,” he explains. “Are you hungry? I’ll make you something.”

“Merlin’s a traitor, then. I told him I wanted you to stay restin’,” Eggsy says, following Harry into the kitchen. “Jus’ some water or somethin’ is fine. It’s half past three. Too early to be makin’ food.”

Harry ignores his protests as he sets a pot of water to boil on the stove. “Nonsense. If you’re hungry now, there’s no reason to wait until morning. It’s not as though your stomach knows what time it is. Besides, it’s just some pasta. We’ll be back in bed and asleep by four.”

Eggsy knows trying to argue with Harry is just a lost cause, so he nods and lets Harry do as he pleases. He eats quietly, sitting close to Harry so their thighs tough and their feet are intertwined together under the table. They’ve missed one another and neither is willing to be apart from each other for even a moment. When Eggsy’s finished and Harry grabs his plate to go wash it off in the sink, Eggsy follows and hovers near him as Harry does the washing. 

Upstairs, Harry undresses Eggsy with gentle hands, laying kisses along his neck and shoulders and collarbones. Once Eggsy’s in his comfiest pair of pyjamas, they both curl up in bed together, just enjoying the simple pleasure of one another’s company. They lay together in intimate silence for a few minutes, until Eggsy slings his arm across Harry’s middle to tug him closer. 

Harry lets out a huffed laugh. “Your arm is cold, my love,” he murmurs, moving Eggsy’s arm off him and switching them in position so Harry’s on Eggsy’s other side and Eggsy can wrap his flesh and bone arm around him. 

Eggsy laughs a little, sneaking his metal arm up under Harry’s shirt to press the cold steel against the sensitive skin of Harry’s stomach. “Oh, it’s cold, is it?”

“Weren’t you the one saying that I should be asleep? You’re not quite helping,” Harry says, chuckling as he moves Eggsy’s arm away. 

“You said we’d be asleep by four. There’s still two minutes by four. I ain’t ruinin’ any of our plans,” Eggsy assures him teasingly, nosing against the back of Harry’s neck with a smile. He’s so in love with this man, it’s almost impossible to comprehend. This easy, gentle intimacy between them was more than Eggsy could have ever dreamed of having with anyone, especially after all that had happened with Hydra. Here, wrapped up with Harry, Eggsy’s sure he’s the luckiest man in the world.

“Harry… Were’ going to have this forever, you and I, right? Ain’t ever gonna leave each other, are we?” 

“My darling boy, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me until the end of the line.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, you can have Hartwin feels at the same time as your Stucky feels!
> 
> This story was so much fun to write and it was so great to post it and see everyone's comments and all the kudos. Thank you so much to everyone who read and left kudos and an extra special thanks for everyone who left comments! I just started publishing my new story which features Percilot, eight year old Eggsy, and seven year old Roxy, so if you have the time and interest, it can be found by [clicking here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5669587/chapters/13060285) or going to my profile. 
> 
> As always, I can be found on Tumblr at [dilestrade](http://dilestrade.tumblr.com/) or [unwins-boy](http://unwins-boy.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found over on Tumblr at [dilestrade](http://dilestrade.tumblr.com/) or [unwins-boy](http://unwins-boy.tumblr.com/) for prompts, chatting, questions, and whatnot


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